Vulnerable

I had an experience this week that left me feeling so vulnerable.

I walked away thinking to myself, "Why do I put myself out there? It sure would be easier to sit in my house and watch the mice dart across my kitchen."

Which by the way, they continue to mock us though we have tried many a 'rid your house of the mouse' solutions. They even chewed my favorite kitchen rug. I've officially declared war. You can mess with my food but don't you dare chew my pretties.

And I know many of you suggested getting a cat which would be a great suggestion if I wasn't so highly emotionally allergic to the creature called feline.

I am also emotionally allergic to the vulnerability of rejection. But that's exactly where I ventured this week. I think most Jesus girls feel this way. And I think His mercies towards us are especially tender because He knows what we feel.

Which leads me to a fear I have with the She Speaks Scholarship winners that will be announced tomorrow. We will all cheer and clap and be genuinely excited for the winners.

But, there were close to 200 blog entries and 100 more e-mail entries. That's 300 applicants vying for 4 scholarships.

So, I know there will be many of you who eagerly rush to your computer on Friday morning with every finger and toe crossed having prayed and prayed and prayed... and your name won't be there. Your heart will sink. And some part of not seeing your name will sting.

And I hate that.

I wish with every fiber of my being I could give away a scholarship to every single entry. But just as I start doing mental math and thinking of crazy possibilities, Jesus reminds me and reassures me He's got this all under control.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us," (1 John4:16).

Those who are supposed to come will be provided for by Him. And in that provision will be a miraculous experience of God. Getting the She Speaks scholarship would be an incredible disservice to that person because God wants to show up and show off in much bigger ways.

"Therefore let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and find grace whenever we need help," (Hebrews 4:16).

There are also those who are not supposed to be at She Speaks this year. God is answering some prayers with, "No, sweetheart. Please trust me with this." 'No' is so stinkin' hard to hear but we can rest in the reality that God's no's are always wrapped in protection and redirected purpose.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose," (Romans 8:28).

As I ran this morning with Holly, we prayed so fervently over all this. We prayed for the judges to have divine wisdom and discernment. We prayed for hearts to be protected. And we prayed for dreams to be realized in the exact way God desires.

Rest in this today my sisters.

And like my friend Samantha said on the Proverbs Facebook page yesterday- let your soul soak in each one of these words {My} {Redeemer} {Lives}.

Yes, He does.

I need to press this into my heart and mind today. What about you? Whether you entered the scholarship contest or not, how do these truths soothe your heart today?

See you in the morning sweet friends...