Panic

So.

Where did we leave off yesterday?

Yes, the conversation I overheard clearly indicating the business man sitting near me in the restaurant last week was in the midst of betraying his wife- his family- his legacy.

Which left me stunned.

And kept my brain operating on overdrive into the wee hours that night while fear twisted its cruel claws around my heart.

Squeezing. Accusing. Wondering. Doubting. Panicking.

With each beat of my racing pulse, irrationality beckoned me to dance with a fear I've had since my Dad left my mom all those years ago. I still hear his words lingering as he walked out of our lives forever, "I never wanted children, especially not a girl."

And while I was completely convinced I'd found freedom from this brokenness of my past, I realized the other day, betrayal runs very deep. There is a cavernous crack in my heart that can't ever be filled by my husband. No amount of assurances, promises, or tender kisses on my fearful face can fix me.

They can patch me.

But my husband's tender responses to my fears of betrayal can't fix me.

Only God can visit the places that deep within. Only His truth can fix me.

I wish I could tell you, I suddenly turned to God in that late night dance with fear. I didn't. I invited fear in and lost all sense of reality.

At 3 am I jumped out of bed and grabbed my husband's cell phone. I sat in my closet frantically going through every one of his contacts, his call list, and every text message.

In the physical realm I was just an irrationally suspicious wife. In the spiritual realm I imagine the crescendo of Satan's hissing and swirling and vicious ripping at my heart.

And what did I find on his cell phone?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing of concern at all.

And then I felt like the biggest fool. Not because I went through his phone. But because I'd allowed Satan to fill me with such fear that I'd lost all sense of trust for Art.

I was the betrayer now. Betraying the truth of trust Art has tenderly built in the crazy patchwork heart of his wife.

At 9 am after a long run and getting the kids off to school, I wearily made my way to my unsuspecting husband getting ready to leave for work.

I told him the whole story and all about my crazy 3 am frantic search through his phone. He quipped back, "I'm glad you looked and found you have no reason to be afraid."

I smiled.

But then I thought of that wife.

The wife of the man at the restaurant. And I realized there will always evidence of betrayal in this world. It's the man at the restaurant, it's a sports figure on the news, it's a friend I haven't seen in years who broke down in tears when I asked about her family... betrayal is real and current and happening all around us.

So, how do we protect our hearts from being consumed with this fear and at the same time keep a healthy awareness that we must be on guard against the great enemy of our marriages?

I'm not naive. I know the realities of living in a broken world. But I don't want to find myself in my closet frantically going through my husband's phone at 3am- ever again. There is a big difference between being consumed with fear and having a healthy awareness.

Fear erodes trust. Fear makes us irrational. Fear robs us of so much.

We imagine affairs that aren't happening. We mentally plan funerals of loved ones that are alive and well. And we panic over situations that may not ever happen. We live in this ethereal world of what if's and wear ourselves slap out.

On the other hand a healthy awareness of the realities of our broken world motivates me to love lavishly today, chose to trust until I have a concrete reason not to, fill my mind with the truth of God, and pray like crazy for the protection of my marriage. I'll walk in what I know to be true today. Fear will not be the cloak I drape across my trust any longer.

Like 2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV) reminds us, "God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind."


Tomorrow we'll talk about a gift God has given to us girls who fear. A real gift of hope and practical help.

In the meantime, pray for that man from that restaurant. I know many of you were hoping I had a story of a great dramatic confrontation, but I don't. Believe me, I begged God to let me hurt him, I mean, lovingly confront him with the truth and redemption of Jesus.

But God said no.

This man is blind. He is deceived. He is dancing with the devil.

But God did say I should pray! So this man now has thousands of women entering into the spiritual realm praying the truth of his sin to become visible. And when it is seen by him, I pray it scares his pants off.

No. I pray it scares his pants ON!

And I pray it breaks his heart in the best kind of way.

Stunned

Happy Monday Morning to you. I am guest posting over at (in)Courage today where I wrote about one of the sweetest love stories I know. I'd love to have you pop over for a visit~

I love a good love story.

And as much as I love a good love love story, I hate stories of betrayal. I know hate is a really strong word- one you won't normally hear me use here on my blog. But the situation I found myself in recently stirred up some feelings that are best left unstirred in this Italian blooded Chiquita.

Last week I was sitting at a little restaurant which has become one of my favorite writing spots. There is something about the gentle chaos of this place that I love. It's loud and busy but still easy for me to get lost in my own little tangle of words.

Some people need quiet when they write. I need the gentle rhythms of life pulsing around me.

Anyhow, most of the time conversations around me are just background noise. But the other day I became distracted by this man's lovely phone conversation with his wife. I didn't mean to start eavesdropping. Really I didn't. Yet something about the gentle way he found great joy in wooing her intrigued me. And made me inappropriately nosey.

Note the word inappropriate. I fully realize I shouldn't have been listening. But in my defense, he was sitting in a public place talking loud enough to invade my listening space. So there. (note to self... we still need to work on justifying certain behaviors.)

So, there we were- wooing husband. Lucky wife on the other end of the line. Nosey Christian Writer.

He was telling her how happy it made him for her to find such joy in getting to go furniture shopping that day. Then he told her he loved her four different ways, called her 2 sweet pet names and told her he couldn't wait to see her soon.

As he hung up the phone, I thought to myself, Wow! This husband's love is rare and precious.

Then he made another call.

"Hey hon. Yes, I'm still at the office. I know... but I don't think I'll be able to make it home to dinner. Look it's been a long day and I've gotta go. See ya'... yeah love you too."

OH MY STARS!

Somebody hold me back!!!

I won't tell you what I wanted to say and do in that moment. But I will tell you I stopped typing and tried my best to send fiery darts through my eyeballs straight towards this man.

I was beyond stunned.

And something about becoming hyper aware of this man's betrayal caused a choking sensation of fear to wrap its way around my heart. That night I found myself awake and staring at the ceiling. Wondering. Fearing. Questioning. Doubting.

Have you ever been in this place?

How would Jesus want us to respond when fear comes and stares us down?

We'll talk about that tomorrow. But I'll go ahead and warn you. I didn't handle this well.

Sigh.
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The winner of last Thursday's Bible study set for "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl" is Stonefox. Congrats sweet friend... Contact Holly@Proverbs31.org to make arrangements to receive your prize.

Win a Bible Study Set Today!

Hi Sweet Friends... I will be in Atlanta this weekend and Tampa here and here next weekend. Sure would love to see you if you are in either of those cities.

The other day I was reading through a business book trying to stick my toes into a world where meetings occur in board rooms with official power point presentations and power suits. My world is a little different than that.

My meetings usually occur over the phone while I sit at my kitchen flicking at the crumbs from last night's dinner. My notes are scribbled on scrap notebook paper and my power suit usually consists of black yoga pants and whatever sweatshirt I threw on before running that morning.

Yes, my world looks a lot less official than that of those in that book.

But despite the vast differences in appearance between a slick corporate executive and my little pony tailed self, we have some fundamental similarities. They run companies who want to connect products with consumers. I run a ministry who wants to connect truth with hearts.

Consumers want products.

Hearts want truth.

The question then becomes, how do we best connect what people want with what we offer.

Certainly being in ministry, we operate much more on faith than a company ever would. But there are some business principles that shouldn't be ignored especially when part of ministry requires a bit of business savvy. Even Jesus used solid business principles when instructing people.

John 4:35, "I tell you open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest."

So, I guess I am trying to open my eyes and look at my fields.

Or, as the business world would say, get to know your consumers and what makes them respond.

This is where you come in today. Might I ask you to take time to answer three questions that will help me immensely as I prepare for a meeting I have tomorrow?

1. Where do you buy most of your books?

2. What usually motivates you to buy a book?

3. And lastly, why do you read my blog?

As a thank you for taking time to answer these questions, I will enter you to win a "Becoming More than a Good Bible Study Girl" gift pack. This includes a book, a Bible study workbook and a DVD containing the 6 teaching sessions for this study.

To enter, click on the words "post a comment" at the end of today's blog then follow the prompts. If you click anonymous, be sure to leave your email address so we can contact you if you win.

Thank you dear friends! Winner will be announced on Monday.

How do I get close to God, part 2

On Monday we started tackling the question, "How do I get close to God?" I think there's something significant to be discovered that relates to this question in Jesus' interaction with the rich young man from Matthew 19.

Like I said on Monday, the rich young man was following all the rules. He had the Christian checklist down. If he lived in today's world he would have said, "I listen to Christian music. I read a few Bible verses everyday. I go to church. I drop some money in the offering plate each Sunday. I don't cuss. I try to be nice to most everybody. But I still feel something is missing? What am I missing with this God thing?"

He felt the weight of a great lack in his soul and he couldn't understand why.

I understand exactly where this man is.

I have felt that same lack.

I was a rule following, card carrying, Bible toting Christian who felt as hollow as a termite infested log. On the outside I appeared strong and perfect but on the inside the lack of connection between me and God was eating away at me.

I just kept going through the motions hoping things would click.

Then one day I felt this incredible tug at my soul to place myself in a position of intentional sacrifice. Give something up, not because life demanded it but rather offer something I desired as a sacrifice of praise to God.

That year it was television. I stopped watching TV for 2 years while God reigned in my incessant need to be entertained and distracted rather than deal with some issues that needed to be dealt with.

The next year it was my house. We put the house up for sale but it never sold. However, in the end, we realized God wanted us to release not our physical house but rather our definition of home. This was the year He called us to adopt our boys and redefine our family.

Last year it was sugar. Something completely permissible but not beneficial for me. I thought I would do this as a diet but it became something more than just physical. I quickly realized I would fail at this sacrifice if it was just for physical reasons so it became a spiritual journey of depending on God- really depending on God.

Each of these sacrifices were really hard for me to make.

I won't lie.

There were tears. There were justifications luring me to give up. There were times of wrestling with God. And there were moment by moment desperate prayers. Each time I wanted to give in and watch TV, or rip the sale sign out of my yard, or eat sugar I used it as a trigger to cry out to God.

You know what verse I found myself crying out a lot? "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

And do you know where this verse is neatly tucked in the Bible? You guessed it- right at the end of the story of Jesus talking to the rich young man in Matthew 19.

With man positioning yourself for intentional sacrifice is impossible. But with God sacrificing that which you crave or desire more than Him is not only possible, it's one of the richest ways to experience God.

And when we start experiencing God we'll stop wondering how to get close to him. We'll simply realize we are.

"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise- the fruit of lips that confess his name," Hebrews 13: 15.

Have you ever positioned yourself to experience God in this way? What is something He might be asking you to offer as a sacrifice of praise to Him?

Happiness is in the heart by Layla Palmer

Take one part cool, three parts creative, and four and a half parts cute as a bug and you've got my friend Layla.

She and her husband blog it up at the Lettered Cottage where they teach non-crafty people like me to decorate their world beautiful. And they make everything from changing your fireplace to installing new mailboxes seem possible.

But there's a deeper side to all their decorating savvy. Their blog business is a leap of faith and a walk of trust. I pray this encourages you as it has me.

Here's Layla...

Never underestimate the power of a smile, a friendly word, or even the smallest act of kindness- each one has the potential to completely change your day!

Me and my husband, Kevin, witnessed this truth firsthand on a chilly winter night, two December's ago.We were going through an extremely rough time financially. Neither of us could land a job and we were two months behind on our bills, going on three. It was terrifying.

I have vivid memories of the two of us lying in bed at night, jumping every time we heard a sound because we thought it was the repo man coming to take the truck we were leasing. It was also a very depressing time.

It seemed like all of our options were so negative...sell the house, file for bankruptcy, run away with our tails between our legs, etc.We prayed every day, but the stress of the situation was definitely clouding our creative view, making it nearly impossible for us to snap out of our funk and figure out a way to get back on our feet.

Then all of a sudden, something unexpected happened and changed our mindsets. As weird as this sounds, we experienced an incredibly inspiring moment of clarity in the drive-thru at Krystal.

It was Christmas Eve, and although we both knew our ten dollars would go a lot further at the grocery store than it would at a fast food restaurant, we were feeling extra sorry for ourselves on this particular night. So we decided to drown our sorrows in a sack full of cheese Krystals, instead of on a small bag of groceries that could potentially last us all week.

After placing our order, we pulled up to the drive-thru window to collect and pay for our greasy goods. The woman working the register handed Kevin our food, but when he tried to give her our debit card, she just looked at him and said, "you can just take it".

We weren't quite sure how to respond, but our expressions must have said it all, because after a few seconds of silence she went on to explain that our order had already been paid for by the driver of the car in front of us. We looked up just in time to see the car she was referring to turn the corner and drive out of view. We didn't recognize the car, and had no idea who the driver was, or why she had paid for our meal.

The lady in the drive-thru window went on to say,"She just said to tell you Merry Christmas". And then, with a friendly smile, she thanked us for choosing Krystal and proceeded to close her little doors so that she could help the next customer in line.

We slowly pulled away from the window, still unable to fully accept that we didn't have to pay for our food. To be honest, I think we were both sort of waiting for Ashton Kutcher to slam his hands on the hood of our car and tell us we got punked. But Ashton never made an appearance, and as we drove out of the parking lot, we finally began to process and appreciate what had just happened.

As we drove back home, tears of joy streamed down our smiling cheeks, and our hearts overflowed with a renewed sense of hope.

That one selfless and random act of kindness completely changed our outlook.

When we got back to the house, we went into the living room and talked. I mean really, really talked. And for the first time in a long time, our conversation was positive. Our experience in the drive-thru at Krystal was a great reminder that giving, and adding value to the lives of others is one of our deepest and truest purposes in life.

Simple acts of kindness can change someone’s entire day.

Sharing your time, your talents and your knowledge can change someone’s entire life. And although life may throw you a crazy curve ball now and then, what's important is to remember is that giving, and living with an open heart, can lead to a wealth of love, hope and inspiration.

Today, Kevin and I continue to chase our dreams, and because of our choice, we still find it challenging to make all of our ends meet. But ever since that magical Christmas Eve night in '08, we have found that the more positively we think and act, the easier is it to deal with life's wild pitches. Why? Because true peace and happiness can be found in providing peace and happiness to others.

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you," Luke 6:38.

How do I get close to God?

This past weekend I did a retreat for the ladies of East Cooper Baptist Church and had an absolute ball getting to know a little more about Jesus with these precious ladies. On Sunday morning, instead of a planned message, I let them determine what I'd be talking about based on their questions.

It was kind of like going to a buffet where you can choose to have a little spaghetti and meatballs right alongside candied yams and oven roasted turkey. A smorgasbord of sorts.

So, I talked about all sorts of stuff based on the questions they'd submitted over the weekend.

But one question in particular stood out to me:

"How do I get close to the Lord? I've been a Christian for 7 years but over the past two years my joyful heart for the Lord has diminished. I feel like life has taken over and I've put Christ on the back burner. Do you have any advice for a girl who longs for the Lord but just winds up feeling such guilt for how much I fail in making time to pray and study the Bible?"

It reminded me of the story in Matthew 19 where Jesus talked to the rich young man who informed Jesus he was following all the rules but still felt something was missing from his pursuit of God.

Matthew 19: 20, "All of these (rules) I have kept," the young man said. What do I still lack?"

I doubt Mick Jagger got his inspiration from this story but this young man's desperate question sure does remind me of his wildly popular song, "I can't get no satisfaction... no, no, no."

Unsatisfied.

Lacking.

Incomplete.

Hollow.

Shallow.

What do I still lack?

How do I really get close to God?

Such a vulnerable question. Such a relatable question.

In verse 21 Jesus answers, "If you want to be perfect (whole), go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

The rich young man then goes away sad because he couldn't give up that which consumed him. He was so full with his riches he couldn't see how undernourished his soul was. Like a person who fills themselves up with doughnuts to the point they refuse the healthier options of eggs and fruit. Then they complain of their splitting headache from the crash of the sugar high but refuse to consider giving up their doughnuts.

I might have had a little personal experience once or twice in my past sugar filled life that led me to think of that frail little analogy. My apologies to Krispy Kreme and your red "Hot Now" sign that is of the devil. Ahem.

Anyhow.

It's this point that most of us ordinary Jesus girls start thinking of all the rich people we know. "Well, I sure hope they get this message. Good thing I'm not rich. Good thing this doesn't apply to me. Good thing Jesus doesn't ask me to sacrifice in this way."

Or does He?

I don't think Jesus meant this as a sweeping command for all those who have a lot of money. I think Jesus meant this for any of us that wallow in whatever abundance we have. I think Jesus looked straight into this young man's soul and said, "I want you to give up that which you love more than me. Then come, follow me."

Piercing thought, right?

Suddenly, Jesus isn't staring at the rich young man, He's staring at me. The inside me. The part I can't cover up with excuses and makeup.

For when Jesus ends his statement with "follow me" it's not an invitation to drag our divided heart alongside us as we attempt to follow hard after God. When Jesus wants us to follow Him- really follow him, it's serious business.

Mark 8:34, "If anyone would come after me he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me."

With Jesus if we want to gain, we must give up.

If we want to be filled, we must deny ourselves.

If we want to truly get close to God, we'll have to distance ourselves from other things.

We'll talk a little more about this later this week. Tomorrow, I have a really cool guest post from a really cool chick I think you'll love.

In the meantime... what do you think about these thoughts? How does this speak to you personally?

Happy Monday sweet sisters.

The best conflict remedy

Welcome to the "Encouragement for Today" visitors... I'm glad you are here. If you'd like to receive my daily blog via e-mail please click here to subscribe for free.

Today, my devotion talked about situations that feel like a tangled mess too knotted to figure out. Mostly these occur in relationships. Does anyone else ever feel like relationships are hard to navigate sometimes?

People are complicated, messy, and unpredictable.

Sometimes a girl can get worn out in a situation and feel like giving up. But before I give up, I've learned to hush up.

Spending some time getting quiet can really be the best remedy for tangled situations. Taking a step back from all the emotion, frustration, and exhaustion to sit quietly with Jesus will do more to untangle a mess than anything else I've ever found.

Originally, I had planned to write 10 things that happen in the quiet. But for heaven's sake, people in messes are too tired to read 10 things when 5 will do just fine.

Here are 5 beautiful things that can happen in the quiet:

1. In the quiet, we can feel safe enough to humble ourselves.

In the heat of a mess, the last thing I want to do is get humble. I want to get loud and prove my point. I've learned I have to step out of the battle and humbly ask God to speak truth to my heart for things to start to make sense. Never have I had a relationship issue where I didn't contribute at least something to the problem. Usually, I can only see this something in the quiet.

1 Peter 5: 6, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand..."

2. In the quiet, God will lift us up to a more rational place.

When we are in the heat of a tangled mess, crazy emotions drag us down into a pit of hopelessness. The only way out of the pit, is to make the choice to stop digging deeper and turn to God for a solution.

1 Peter 5:6 continued, "...that he may lift you up in due time."

3. In the quiet, anxiety gives way to progress.

We can pour our anxious hearts out to Jesus who loves us right where we are, how we are. And because His love comes without judgement, we soften and feel safe enough to humbly admit we need Jesus to work on us. Trying to fix another person will only add to my anxiety. Letting Jesus work on me is where real progress can happen.

1 Peter 5:7, "Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

4. In the quiet, we see our real enemy isn't the person with whom we're in conflict.

This person with whom we're in this tangled mess feel like the enemy. They might even look like the enemy. But the truth is, they aren't the real culprit here. Satan's influence on both me and the person offending me is the real culprit. I can't realize this in the heat of the moment. But in the quiet, I become alert and can gain a strategy for acting and reacting in a more self-controlled manner.

1 Peter 5:8-9, "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith..."

5. In the quiet, I can rest assured God will use this conflict for good- no matter how it turns out.

If I make the effort to handle this conflict well, I can be freed from the pressure to make everything turn out rosy. Sometimes relationships grow stronger through conflict. But other times relationships end. Because I can't control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good God is working out in me through this and leave the outcome with Him.

1 Peter 5: 10-11, "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

How might this help you today? Have you discovered anything else good that happens in the quiet? Let's talk about it. To post a comment, click on 'post a comment' below and follow the prompts.
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Congratulations to Tricia in KY for winning 2 copies of my latest book 'Am I Messing Up My Kids?', which is an expanded version of 'The Bathtub is Overflowing But I Feel Drained'. Please contact Holly@Proverbs31.org to get your copies Tricia!