Can I let you in on a little secret?
It's terrifying to have a book release into the marketplace.
It is.
It seems it would be thrilling beyond belief. Words and pages you've labored over, dreamed about, thought through, and worked on for years, finally being bound up with a dab of glue and held between a cover with your name on it.
It is.
And it is not.
For me, I can't separate my heart from my words. I write what I want my kids to read if something ever happens to me. To borrow from Randy Pausch, they are my last lecture of sorts for that time of my life.
Each of my books are the deepest parts of my thoughts and the richest parts of my experiences stripped bare and laid out for all the world to see. It's like letting the world in on your best girlfriend conversations.
I want to let the world in because I can't keep my messages contained. They make my heart beat fast and I feel called, pulled, and compelled to share. The whole publishing process is a thrill until reality hits. Boxes start arriving. Books with my name on them get stocked. The store opens. People walk in and then what? What if?
There are a hundred what if's that start to invade that part of my heart I'd rather not show. I'd rather be confident and secure and totally trusting that if the Lord wants this book to get into the hands of people it will.
But what a lie. How incredibly fake it would be to say anything but it scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel like that awful dream I've had of standing in front of an audience only to realize I forgot to put my shirt on finally came true.
And that's when I realize none of this can ever be about me. This message isn't something I should ever take the credit nor the blame for. It's nothing more than a small package of my willingness to serve God offered up in the form of thin little pages covered in black ink.
So here you go world. I've given it everything I've got. And even a little more.
Tonight for the first time, Holly and I will unpack a couple of boxes that contain "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl." And I will run to the bathroom, hide inside a stall, thank my sweet Jesus for this moment and text my husband.
Then I will make myself go stand beside my books. And wait. And see.
It's terrifying to have a book release into the marketplace.
It is.
It seems it would be thrilling beyond belief. Words and pages you've labored over, dreamed about, thought through, and worked on for years, finally being bound up with a dab of glue and held between a cover with your name on it.
It is.
And it is not.
For me, I can't separate my heart from my words. I write what I want my kids to read if something ever happens to me. To borrow from Randy Pausch, they are my last lecture of sorts for that time of my life.
Each of my books are the deepest parts of my thoughts and the richest parts of my experiences stripped bare and laid out for all the world to see. It's like letting the world in on your best girlfriend conversations.
I want to let the world in because I can't keep my messages contained. They make my heart beat fast and I feel called, pulled, and compelled to share. The whole publishing process is a thrill until reality hits. Boxes start arriving. Books with my name on them get stocked. The store opens. People walk in and then what? What if?
There are a hundred what if's that start to invade that part of my heart I'd rather not show. I'd rather be confident and secure and totally trusting that if the Lord wants this book to get into the hands of people it will.
But what a lie. How incredibly fake it would be to say anything but it scares me. It makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel like that awful dream I've had of standing in front of an audience only to realize I forgot to put my shirt on finally came true.
And that's when I realize none of this can ever be about me. This message isn't something I should ever take the credit nor the blame for. It's nothing more than a small package of my willingness to serve God offered up in the form of thin little pages covered in black ink.
So here you go world. I've given it everything I've got. And even a little more.
Tonight for the first time, Holly and I will unpack a couple of boxes that contain "Becoming More Than a Good Bible Study Girl." And I will run to the bathroom, hide inside a stall, thank my sweet Jesus for this moment and text my husband.
Then I will make myself go stand beside my books. And wait. And see.
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