Never am I more vulnerable than in the wake of extremes.
Driving home Sunday night, I thought of nothing else but the many ways God was so powerfully present all weekend at She Speaks. I was full of praise. Full of smiles. Full of pure joy.
Then Monday came as all Monday's have a habit of doing.
As yesterday unfolded, I felt this strange sense of heaviness decending on me. I chalked it up to being tired and took a nap. But even sleep couldn't ward off this feeling of weight on my heart.
Suddenly, all I could see was how messy my house was, how disheveled my brain felt, and how the demands of my next couple of weeks were rushing toward me without any consideration for my need of sleep. Then I got word of something that had gone terribly wrong at the end of the conference.
Sunday morning, Renee gave an amazing message on rest. Oh, my soul drank up her rich teaching. It was wonderful.
Then we did communion. Our precious Luann, led us in a powerful way.
Then, what was supposed to be a sweet reflective time was interrupted by a missed cue and I was sent out on stage too soon. I'd been back stage taking communion myself and didn't realize the audience never got to take theirs.
So, out I popped on stage to invite my all my She Speaks sisters to invest in Proverbs 31 Ministries. Everyone in the room knew it was awkward timing but me. I had not a clue.
Until yesterday when several attendees let us know on their evaluation forms they were quite upset by what appeared to be an irreverant approach to communion. And rightly so. What was a simple mistake turned into something that appeared quite inappropriate.
To say it broke my heart is an understatement.
I felt incredibly vulnerable. Sad. Upset. Defeated. Misunderstood. Attacked.
Suddenly, I couldn't see all the good from the conference because I was so laser focused on one of the few things that went wrong. I told my family I needed to go to bed early.
As I pulled the sheets up nearly covering my whole head, tears brimmed my eyes, and I asked Jesus to please come close.
I won't tie this story up in a neat bow with a happy ending because my heart still hurts this morning and to say anything else would be a lie.
But, I did think of something as I titled this post Vulnerable.
My message Friday night was entitled, "Finding Your Own RemarkABLE." I focused on how God gives us our ABLE so that people will "remark" about seeing Jesus at work in us.
This morning I was stunned to notice the only word to describe what I was feeling was vulnerable. And as I typed it, I saw the ABLE within... vulnerABLE.
I am vulnerABLE.
incapABLE.
inexcusABLE.
forgettABLE.
And I realized His ABLE is within us, no matter what we do. His power doesn't depend on me. I know this. But today I'm learning this lesson all over again. And in that being vulnerABLE is a really good thing.
Not necessarily a fun thing.
But a good thing.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathisize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--- yet was without sin. Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" Hebrews 4: 15-16.
Driving home Sunday night, I thought of nothing else but the many ways God was so powerfully present all weekend at She Speaks. I was full of praise. Full of smiles. Full of pure joy.
Then Monday came as all Monday's have a habit of doing.
As yesterday unfolded, I felt this strange sense of heaviness decending on me. I chalked it up to being tired and took a nap. But even sleep couldn't ward off this feeling of weight on my heart.
Suddenly, all I could see was how messy my house was, how disheveled my brain felt, and how the demands of my next couple of weeks were rushing toward me without any consideration for my need of sleep. Then I got word of something that had gone terribly wrong at the end of the conference.
Sunday morning, Renee gave an amazing message on rest. Oh, my soul drank up her rich teaching. It was wonderful.
Then we did communion. Our precious Luann, led us in a powerful way.
Then, what was supposed to be a sweet reflective time was interrupted by a missed cue and I was sent out on stage too soon. I'd been back stage taking communion myself and didn't realize the audience never got to take theirs.
So, out I popped on stage to invite my all my She Speaks sisters to invest in Proverbs 31 Ministries. Everyone in the room knew it was awkward timing but me. I had not a clue.
Until yesterday when several attendees let us know on their evaluation forms they were quite upset by what appeared to be an irreverant approach to communion. And rightly so. What was a simple mistake turned into something that appeared quite inappropriate.
To say it broke my heart is an understatement.
I felt incredibly vulnerable. Sad. Upset. Defeated. Misunderstood. Attacked.
Suddenly, I couldn't see all the good from the conference because I was so laser focused on one of the few things that went wrong. I told my family I needed to go to bed early.
As I pulled the sheets up nearly covering my whole head, tears brimmed my eyes, and I asked Jesus to please come close.
I won't tie this story up in a neat bow with a happy ending because my heart still hurts this morning and to say anything else would be a lie.
But, I did think of something as I titled this post Vulnerable.
My message Friday night was entitled, "Finding Your Own RemarkABLE." I focused on how God gives us our ABLE so that people will "remark" about seeing Jesus at work in us.
This morning I was stunned to notice the only word to describe what I was feeling was vulnerable. And as I typed it, I saw the ABLE within... vulnerABLE.
I am vulnerABLE.
incapABLE.
inexcusABLE.
forgettABLE.
And I realized His ABLE is within us, no matter what we do. His power doesn't depend on me. I know this. But today I'm learning this lesson all over again. And in that being vulnerABLE is a really good thing.
Not necessarily a fun thing.
But a good thing.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathisize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--- yet was without sin. Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need" Hebrews 4: 15-16.
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