If you are here from the Proverbs 31 devotion, please click here for more on my thoughts on gossip.
Many of you know my story.
In my childhood I suffered horrific abuse at the hands of a close friend of our family. Then in my late teens, my youngest sister passed away and my world fell apart. I felt abandoned by God. I was so angry I told him I would never love Him or believe in Him again.
And with those words still fresh on my lips, I headed straight into the arms of the world and all it's flashy promises.
Just a few years later, I found myself sitting in an abortion clinic realizing I'd just bought the greatest lie being sold to women today. With tears streaming down my face, I walked out of that place realizing it wasn't just cells dividing that I allowed them to take. It was a child. And when they took that child, they took part of my heart as well.
I went home after that and wished I could close my eyes to never wake up again.
Eventually, I slowly returned to life. But not as the same vivacious person I'd always been. I was haunted and tormented by my decision.
Even on my wedding day. I remember walking down the aisle on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life- fighting with all my might not to cry when everyone stood up in honor of me. All I kept thinking with each step down that aisle was, "If only they knew- they'd never stand."
The early days in my marriage were hard. Really hard.
It's impossible to love another person when you desperately hate yourself. I went through the motions of smiling, trying to be happy, and trying to play the part of a young in love bride but the broken pieces of my heart kept bumping into my best efforts.
Then, 4 months into this rough start of a marriage, we found out we were pregnant.
The day Hope was born I saw God like never before. His tender grace was handed to me wrapped in a pink blanket with eyes so wide- so blue- they were a sea of forgiveness forever staring back at me.
I'd never physically touched God, but that day I did. And maybe for the first time in my entire life, His hope rushed inside of me and started rearranging and redeeming my brokenness.
Hope.
We named her Hope.
Now, we won't talk about the conversations I had with God when his Hope kept me up in the middle of the night for months after that. And we will save the story of how His Hope has always felt it was beneath her to be child and would put her hands on her toddler hips and tell me not to boss her.
We'll save those stories for another day.
For today, I got an e-mail from His Hope. At this very minute, His Hope is walking the broken roads of Ethiopia navigating poverty her mind can't quite process. She's bumping into sheep and a woman walking toward her home made of cardboard and ripped bed sheets.
Her steps are steady though her heart feels shaky. For once again she will spend today loving on 30 kids dying of AIDS in a forgotten orphanage on the forgotten outskirts of town.
She wrote to say, "Mom, I've fallen in love. The kids rushed at me when I walked in and I tried to hold all 30 of them at one time."
His Hope.
From a broken mama. Into a broken world. His Hope is going forth like only His Hope can.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth," 3 John1:4.
Thank you for praying, loving and supporting this free-spirited young woman who was made by God to do ministry. And who despite my constant bossing and frail parenting efforts, is walking in the truth and becoming one of my greatest inspirations.
Winners from last week!
The Day Spring winner is: Susan - Not Really a Blog
The sneak preview winners of my 'When a Cheez-its and Chocolate Girl Gets Healthy' project are: Autumnseer, Anonymous, and Leann
Congrats gals! (Holly will be in touch with you!)
Many of you know my story.
In my childhood I suffered horrific abuse at the hands of a close friend of our family. Then in my late teens, my youngest sister passed away and my world fell apart. I felt abandoned by God. I was so angry I told him I would never love Him or believe in Him again.
And with those words still fresh on my lips, I headed straight into the arms of the world and all it's flashy promises.
Just a few years later, I found myself sitting in an abortion clinic realizing I'd just bought the greatest lie being sold to women today. With tears streaming down my face, I walked out of that place realizing it wasn't just cells dividing that I allowed them to take. It was a child. And when they took that child, they took part of my heart as well.
I went home after that and wished I could close my eyes to never wake up again.
Eventually, I slowly returned to life. But not as the same vivacious person I'd always been. I was haunted and tormented by my decision.
Even on my wedding day. I remember walking down the aisle on what was supposed to be the happiest day of my life- fighting with all my might not to cry when everyone stood up in honor of me. All I kept thinking with each step down that aisle was, "If only they knew- they'd never stand."
The early days in my marriage were hard. Really hard.
It's impossible to love another person when you desperately hate yourself. I went through the motions of smiling, trying to be happy, and trying to play the part of a young in love bride but the broken pieces of my heart kept bumping into my best efforts.
Then, 4 months into this rough start of a marriage, we found out we were pregnant.
The day Hope was born I saw God like never before. His tender grace was handed to me wrapped in a pink blanket with eyes so wide- so blue- they were a sea of forgiveness forever staring back at me.
I'd never physically touched God, but that day I did. And maybe for the first time in my entire life, His hope rushed inside of me and started rearranging and redeeming my brokenness.
Hope.
We named her Hope.
Now, we won't talk about the conversations I had with God when his Hope kept me up in the middle of the night for months after that. And we will save the story of how His Hope has always felt it was beneath her to be child and would put her hands on her toddler hips and tell me not to boss her.
We'll save those stories for another day.
For today, I got an e-mail from His Hope. At this very minute, His Hope is walking the broken roads of Ethiopia navigating poverty her mind can't quite process. She's bumping into sheep and a woman walking toward her home made of cardboard and ripped bed sheets.
Her steps are steady though her heart feels shaky. For once again she will spend today loving on 30 kids dying of AIDS in a forgotten orphanage on the forgotten outskirts of town.
She wrote to say, "Mom, I've fallen in love. The kids rushed at me when I walked in and I tried to hold all 30 of them at one time."
His Hope.
From a broken mama. Into a broken world. His Hope is going forth like only His Hope can.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth," 3 John1:4.
Thank you for praying, loving and supporting this free-spirited young woman who was made by God to do ministry. And who despite my constant bossing and frail parenting efforts, is walking in the truth and becoming one of my greatest inspirations.
Winners from last week!
The Day Spring winner is: Susan - Not Really a Blog
The sneak preview winners of my 'When a Cheez-its and Chocolate Girl Gets Healthy' project are: Autumnseer, Anonymous, and Leann
Congrats gals! (Holly will be in touch with you!)
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