Magnificent, Holy Father
I stand in awe of all I see
Of all the things You have created
And still You choose to think of me
(lyrics by Third Day)
(This is one of my favorite roads in our town!)
It's a Holly-day today ~
I shared in today's Proverbs 31 devotion, 'Beauty After the Storm', that after I experienced the horrific death of my friend at the vulnerable age of 14, I struggled with the fear of being home alone for many years.
That night will forever be stamped into the permanent parts of my memory. As my mom opened our door, a new world of terror entered my life. The news was delivered that my friend and neighbor Evie was gone. Missing.
And as time wore on, we came to the sickening reality that she would never come home again.
Six long months of searching. Praying. Constant local and national media attention. More searching. Questioning. Mystery. And then the fatal conclusion.
For years after this ordeal, I was terrified to be home alone. And I did everything possible to avoid that trigger to my fear. It gripped and paralyzed every bit of my rational thinking.
When I found myself alone at home, I would curl up, underneath my bed, shaking and fearing the worst. Even into the early years of my marriage when my husband would travel, I could not sleep all night. I would lay awake, stiff as a board, heart pounding up into my ears until morning.
How was I able to move past this fear? To recover from the difficult details of her death?
I wish I had a tidy 1-2-3 step recovery plan to offer on a shiny platter complete with a bow for all who have inquired over the years. Do this, then this, then this. Great for you, now no more fear.
But actually, I'm glad that wasn't the case. Because it 's been a beautiful journey for me. A journey laced with questions, doubt, sadness, anxiety, growth, beckoning and healing.
As I look back, I am in awe. He has always had His hand on my life, even when I wasn't walking closely with Him. He was always beckoning.
I'll share with you a few of these most significant and rather personal times --
Follow Me. Choose these friends. Marry Dan. Keep your baby - I will equip you. Quit your job of 16 yrs. Relocate from PA to NC. I am here. Seek Me every day - for hours. Hear and know that I love you. Abide. Get baptized. Go on a mission's trip. Now go on another one. Serve. Serve. Don't stop serving.
So how did I overcome my fear that stemmed from this arduous storm in my life?
I listened to that still, small, all-knowing voice...
...and kept listening...and kept listening.
As I look back, I am in awe. He has always had His hand on my life, even when I wasn't walking closely with Him. He was always beckoning.
I'll share with you a few of these most significant and rather personal times --
Follow Me. Choose these friends. Marry Dan. Keep your baby - I will equip you. Quit your job of 16 yrs. Relocate from PA to NC. I am here. Seek Me every day - for hours. Hear and know that I love you. Abide. Get baptized. Go on a mission's trip. Now go on another one. Serve. Serve. Don't stop serving.
So how did I overcome my fear that stemmed from this arduous storm in my life?
I listened to that still, small, all-knowing voice...
...and kept listening...and kept listening.
And I found beauty after that storm.
And still you choose to think of me Lord. Even me. Thank You.
And still you choose to think of me Lord. Even me. Thank You.
What is your beauty after the storm?
Holly
Holly
34 Comments:
Good morning, Holly! It's a Happy Holly Day! :)
Rejoicing with tears for your devotion published today! God is still using that painful time to bring something beautiful out of ashes. Heart will be touched by and for Him.
As I read this blog post, I was thinking of Wendy Blight's book "Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner" and I am so glad it's offered by P31 as a resource today! Great book, rich with God's Word, to go along with this devotion and post.
Thank you for sharing all of this, Holly. He uses our broken seasons of life of His glory and purposes...and to bring us closer to Him.
I LOVE what you wrote about how He led you. It reminds all of us...keep seeking Him, keep abiding in Him, keep serving Him.
We love you here in PA!
Sweet, sweet Holly. I see you living out this message every day and am continually inspired. More than just about anyone I know, you live His truth... because you seek it.
You seek Him in all things both hard and joyous. And while I know there must still be grief that surrounds Evie's tragic death, you are part of the good that has been worked from this sorrow.
Evie whispered His truth to you as a young girl and planted seeds that have blossomed into such a beautiful, fertile heart.
You are part of her legacy. And what an amazing, God-honoring legacy that is.
I love how you wrote this post.
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and posting this today both on here and the P31 devotional website. I really needed this post today as I have been having nigthmares this week dealing with my rape. Once again I needed to be reminded that healing is a process and I, too, am glad that there isn't a "quick fix", although there are definitely days where I wish there was!
I've always loved that passage in Scripture about beuty from ashes because alot of "fires" have burned through my life leaving my soul in what appeared to be heaps of ashes. Over the years, however, God has been able to turn those ashes into something beautiful - even if I didn't necessarily realize it at the time. I just need to keep listening for His still, small voice.
Holly,
My heart is aching and soaring as I read your stories today.
My husband and I recently discussed what makes a life a blessing. I think it's a life that is being lived fully for Him. Even though Evie's life was short, she lived a life that was a blessing to others.
You are living such a life, my friend! Thanks for sharing with all of us a story of our Redeemer. I'm filled with hope and inspiration as I face the day.
Hugs,
Amy
Thank you for sharing this story this morning. I too have faced those very same fears. I had a friend abducted a murdered when I was a freshman in high school in 1993 and I still have fears about it. Your devotion has given me a new insight to the tragedy and moving past it. I do think the tragedy in my life has made me a stronger person in many ways and a better mother to my 2 young children.
My heart is saddened by your story but I find great joy in the blessings you have found in your life. Thanks again for sharing your story and encouraging me and so many others.
Andrea
Holly,
Thanks for sharing on the blog and for the wonderful devotional. The reminder that God brings beauty after the storm is wonderful thing. Though I can't relate to your specific situation, I have fears and struggles of my own and your advice is applicable to that as well. Thank you. I pray God continues to work through and like Lysa said Evie's legacy will live on!
Blessings,
Jill
Very powerful Holly, it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful reminder through such a tragic and difficult experience. Like Evie, you are filled with the Holy Spirit my friend.
You need to have a Holly blog all the time. I love reading your post!!!! Book??? I will email you a picture of the beauty of my storm today. The picture says more than I can. Thanks for sharing such deep stuff. It touches my heart. B, the turtle girl :) Oh my goodness, God just gave me something to show you. I am blown away. He is so good.
I remember this tragic event very well. I lived just a few miles. My husband and I are friends with Evie's parents. We attended the same church.
Oh, Holly, your story brought tears to my eyes this morning. I absolutely love that God uses tragedy for good. He did that for me too. I'll share about this at She Speaks this summer, but my "storm" involves losing my brother when he was nine--he died at summer camp. Much later in life I had to trust God to take care of my own children at summer camp. It was hard, but by His grace I have sent someone to camp every year for the past 8 years.
Thanks for sharing, Holly.
Fear has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Along the way, fears morphed into phobias, yet God has delivered me and is still working in my life to help conquer fear. He has called me to a ministry of encouragement through speaking and writing, two things I thought I would never do.
When I attended She Speaks last year, my message in my speaker small group was about fear . On this Saturday night, I will be speaking at a Ladies Tea sharing my testimony "Fear is a Four Letter Word - Conquer the Curse!"
Thanks to your enouraging testimony which came at a most opportune time!!
Susan
Thank you for posting this. What an inspiration to see how God brought you THROUGH the fire. My blessing after the storm hasnt come for me yet, mine is actually IN the storm....and it's a beautiful storm. The Lord wants us all to ENJOY THE RIDE!
Hi Lysa,
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your testimony...u know that's how we overcome!!! I can't relate totally with your story, but I do know what it feels like to live in fear. Pretty much my entire life, I have been afraid; of failure;of success;of trying something new. However, I am pleased to report that God has done an amazing thing in my life. He has placed a passion & a love for life on the inside of me that I can not describe, not to mention a boldness. He really does give us beauty for ashes & that's one of the things I love about our Savior---Glory To God!!!
Thanks for sharing your story. I too have a story from the tender age of 14. My best friend's Mom was shot by her husband (after many years of abuse).He shot through my window of the car with a shot gun. My angel with me but he did shot her arm off before our eyes. I am amazed how God turned the beauty from ashes. He is held me in his hand some many fearful nights. God is good. I love my daily devotions everyday but this one by far has been one of my treasures. Thanks again.
Dearest Holly, I think I see a book in the story of your journey. How about it?
Holly,
I read your P31 in my email today and I just had to come see more of what you wrote.
What a powerful and transforming testimony for sure.
God is sooo good even if it takes US years to see it and to see the full beauty in our pain. Purpose from pain.
While reading about your long-suffering from fear, I kept thinking about the journey we've taken at Lelia's blog by studying Micca's book An Untroubled Heart.
Such freedom from releasing our fears.
Thanks for sharing your heart.
Sweet blessings,
Paula
Miss Holly,
I feel like a proud Mama today as I open your devo and read it. I'm so glad you chose to run it as a P31 devo, so many others can see the amazing hand of God in your life.
And I simply LOVE the follow up post today. Wow. I can completely identify with everything you've said here. It's so true.
"Follow Me. Choose these friends. Marry Dan. Keep your baby - I will equip you. Quit your job of 16 yrs. Relocate from PA to NC. I am here. Seek Me every day - for hours. Hear and know that I love you. Abide. Get baptized. Go on a mission's trip. Now go on another one. Serve. Serve. Don't stop serving."
This sounds just like God speaking to and delivering me...one little instruction at a time.
I hope every single person who reads this understands the delivering power of obeying God's day-by-day instructions and promptings. His deliverance so rarely happens in one single moment.
I'm so honored to know you and to call you my friend. And after reading this post, I just want to praise God for everything He's done in your life (and mine).
Can't wait to hug you again at She Speaks!
Sandy
This is beautiful. Thanks for sharing your storm and your rainbow.
Thank you my friend for pouring out your heart and drawing us near to God's heart through your devotion and this post. It's just what I needed today as I walk through some hard stuff with Josh. God knew I needed that simple yet powerful reminder to listen - listen and He will faithfully lead. You have taught me so mush about "listening" my friend. Thank you for living this message so amazingly.
Love you!
Renee
Wow Holly what an amazing journey God has taken you on. You are an inspiration to all of weathering our own storms.
Holly,
This post and the P31 devotion are ALMOST as beautiful as you!
Thank you for sharing and overflowing the love of God that is in your heart.
Blessings sweet lady,
Pat
Our beauty for now is Grace, with a capitol "G." God still wants to use us in fulltime ministry. He is calling us to begin seminary, in Wake Forest (NC) of all places.
I have packed most of my house, it's on the market to sell and we are waiting on His divine que that it is time, His time for our family of 6 to move 17 hours east, from Missouri.
After 3 years out of ministry and trying to do things our own way; God still wants us, choses us and that is Grace, our beauty after the storm. He gets every ounce of the glory.
Tanya
Thank you so much, Holly, for this stunning devotional and post! I cannot thank you enough for the reminder to listen to His "still small voice." I myself was abducted some 30 years ago, but was released safe and sound after 2 hours! I did witness of Jesus then, but still have dealt with some PTSD and anxiety. It's recently crept up again amid the trials of menopause and raising my special-needs daughter. But God is faithful and I'm now aiming to listen and hear His voice! Thank you, Andrea
Holly,
Thank you for sharing… Hollydays are special days, and something to look forward to :)
Each time I share about an ugly event in my life, it is transformed in my mind by another glimpse of God’s grace that I couldn’t see before in the darkness. Like reading the Bible… I can read it over and over again, and truths I didn’t see before are suddenly revealed. The Word never changes, but my life experiences change the way I read the Word. That is the beauty after the storm… transformation of the new creation I am in Christ (2 Cor 5:17).
In His hands,
Susan
Oh Holly, all I can say is how beautiful, and how perfect for me right now, this day, this moment in my life. I have run to, from fears, guilt, sin. . . I've let go, given it to God, and run back again to all the little things that creep back into your life that pull you away from the one who loves you so very much.
After therapy, surrounding myself with wonderful friends and giving it to Him for what seems like the hundreth time I wrote in my journal this thought, "God, you still love me and want the absolute very best for me? Even after running and hiding and thinking its really not that bad? You still believe in me?" And I too heard that still, small, all-knowing voice tell me yes, I think of you, love you and want the absolute very best for you. I'm preparing it for you, just as I have prepared you to receive it and all the blessings I want to pour down.
Ahh, what comfort, what peace, what grace.
Vivian
This was a beautiful post. But I have such a hard time understanding how a follower of Christ, particularly an innocent child, could suffer such evil? I know our God is a God of protection, so why not in Evie's case? I understand that prayer is of paramount importance to the Christian walk, but sometimes I wonder why I pray for God to protect my family when it is not guaranteed. I'm sure Evie's dad prayed for his family (maybe I'm wrong). I understand that we won't get everything we pray for while we live on this earth, but at a minimum can't we just not have our precious family members tragically wrenched away from us? This is a real struggle for me.
May God be praised for the impact Evie had on your life before hers was taken so tragically. I'm so glad you made your way through the fear and let God lead you out into the light of the glory of this life He has so graciously provided.
My beauty after a storm came recently. The storm waged throughout my childhood and adolescent years from emotional and verbal abuse from my alcoholic dad, who is now recovered. A little more than a month ago I was with him in the ER because he had a nail in his arm due to a woodshop mishap. The Holy Spirit led me to leave the emotional baggage I had toted with me everywhere throughout my life up to that very day in Room 12. It's still there. I was filled with love and respect for a man who had not shown me either of those things in the way a child and eventually adult deserves to be loved and respected by their parents. I was just led to let go of it and replace all the hurt with love. And still I love him today. I choose not to remember the former things.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I love Holly Days!
Thank you for what you shared today. I have been ridden with fears since I was a little girl. I am a christian but why am I still afraid of the dark, strangers, living alone. He is supposed to be enough for me. Do you know how crazy it sounds to accept whatever God decides even though it means someone's life may be cut short in such a terrible way? I was raped, robbed in an elevator and experienced other hurts at the hands of my own husbands. I know that God got me through this but I still can't enter a house alone without checking out every closet. I can't go to bed without a light on. When does that feeling of peace come?
Thank you.
My beauty after the storm? Two of them...Amiyah Elizabeth and as of yesterday, Juliana Pearl. My 2 grand babies from my 19 year old daughter only 14 months apart.
My constant reminder that God is in control, not Lelia.
Thanks for sharing this story Holly. I cried the 1st time I read this and it touched my heart all over again.
Okay...off to the hospital. I have a new beauty from the storm of a Prodigal child to hold.
Love,
Lelia
Wonderful post Holly! Great job!
First of all Holly I am so very sorry this happened to you when you were young, and I am very sorry for her family. God bless you all.
As all Christians know He has a plan for us all, and everything happens for a reason. Now before anyone says "how could you say such a thing, when she is telling this horrific story" I also had two very horrible incidents happen in my life time not even a month apart from one another, so I know fear and pain.
And I also know He will let me know why and what His reasons were when I meet Him at the gate. He has a plan for my life and He has a reason I had to go through what I have gone through, so I just keep praying and keeping my faith steadfast because I know He will not give me anything I can not handle, and what He does give me, makes me grow and become stronger as a Christian. Satan can not break the bond I have with my Father.
God bless,
Jodi
I know something of this fear that you describe. God's face is never more clear, he is never more close at hand than in the darkest and most uncertain of times.
The praises from the lips of the suffering and afraid must be extra sweet to God.
I think this is my favorite Holly Day ever. This post is beautiful, Holly. It is so rich with your love for Him and His love for you.
I love how you talk about all of this being a journey. A step-by-step, instruction-by-instruction walk with the Lord. I so often want things to be quick....let's just get this over with Lord. But it is a journey. And there is such beauty along the way. I love the picture you put at the top.
This post makes me think of one of my favorite verses...
"Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
Whose heart is set on pilgrimage."
Ps. 84:5
Thank you for sharing your pilgrimage with us today...your pilgrimage where you have found your strength in Him.
Blessings, sweet Holly.
Love,
K
Holly,
This is so beautiful....so poignant...so needful for today! It inspired me to keep on in my quest for a fearless ME!
May God continue to bless you as you live for Him!
Marilyn
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