Still You Choose to Think of Me

Magnificent, Holy Father

I stand in awe of all I see

Of all the things You have created

And still You choose to think of me
(lyrics by Third Day)

(This is one of my favorite roads in our town!)

It's a Holly-day today ~

I shared in today's Proverbs 31 devotion, 'Beauty After the Storm', that after I experienced the horrific death of my friend at the vulnerable age of 14, I struggled with the fear of being home alone for many years.

That night will forever be stamped into the permanent parts of my memory. As my mom opened our door, a new world of terror entered my life. The news was delivered that my friend and neighbor Evie was gone. Missing.

And as time wore on, we came to the sickening reality that she would never come home again.

Six long months of searching. Praying. Constant local and national media attention. More searching. Questioning. Mystery. And then the fatal conclusion.

For years after this ordeal, I was terrified to be home alone. And I did everything possible to avoid that trigger to my fear. It gripped and paralyzed every bit of my rational thinking.

When I found myself alone at home, I would curl up, underneath my bed, shaking and fearing the worst. Even into the early years of my marriage when my husband would travel, I could not sleep all night. I would lay awake, stiff as a board, heart pounding up into my ears until morning.

How was I able to move past this fear? To recover from the difficult details of her death?

I wish I had a tidy 1-2-3 step recovery plan to offer on a shiny platter complete with a bow for all who have inquired over the years. Do this, then this, then this. Great for you, now no more fear.

But actually, I'm glad that wasn't the case. Because it 's been a beautiful journey for me. A journey laced with questions, doubt, sadness, anxiety, growth, beckoning and healing.

As I look back, I am in awe. He has always had His hand on my life, even when I wasn't walking closely with Him. He was always beckoning.

I'll share with you a few of these most significant and rather personal times --

Follow Me. Choose these friends. Marry Dan. Keep your baby - I will equip you. Quit your job of 16 yrs. Relocate from PA to NC. I am here. Seek Me every day - for hours. Hear and know that I love you. Abide. Get baptized. Go on a mission's trip. Now go on another one. Serve. Serve. Don't stop serving.

So how did I overcome my fear that stemmed from this arduous storm in my life?

I listened to that still, small, all-knowing voice...

...and kept listening...and kept listening.

And I found beauty after that storm.

And still you choose to think of me Lord. Even me. Thank You.

What is your beauty after the storm?

Holly