Sadly, it's also a reality in the church

Just so you know- we're going somewhere tough today.

Hardly a week goes by that I don't have a broken woman come to my book table in tears over choices her husband has made. So many of the tragic stories I hear have deep roots that started with pornography.

And while I know there are also women who struggle with this issue, I want to focus on what can happen when a husband ventures into pornography.

It's one of those messy subjects that we Christians like to shy away from. I certainly don't want to write this post and suddenly have thousands of you become suspicious with your husband. But, I also don't think it's wise for us to stick our heads in the sand about it either.

Pornography is a reality of the broken world we live in.

Sadly, it's also a reality in the church.

A few years ago, I had the privilege to meet Clay Crosse, the super talented Christian musician and his beautiful wife, Renee while I was speaking at a conference. I thought they were at the conference to lead praise and worship.

But they weren't there to share their music. They were there to share their story. Their testimony about pornography.

Here's a little of Clay's story:

Hurtful words…..but necessary words

Imagine your husband saying this to you…."Honey, I have been looking at pornography, but I want to stop and I’m asking you to forgive me."

Despite the humble, contrite, and repentant nature of his words, it would still sting to hear such a confession.

In 1998 I said those very words to my wife, Renee. It was something that I just had to tell her because I knew that it was a situation that was only getting worse and I wanted it to end.

I didn't want my marriage to end, mind you. I just wanted to prevent further harm to me. To us.

Though it might sound like a terrible day, (and granted it was very, very tough) it was actually a new beginning in our marriage that we now look back on with thanksgiving because of how God has blessed us since.

You may be reading this and just wishing your husband would come clean about his habit. Or perhaps your husband has indeed come to you in the past with such a confession. Or maybe you’re thinking that your husband would never utter such a thing.

Either way, the statistics support that more wives than not have a husband who struggles to one degree of another with pornography.

This is a hurtful realization for a wife. And the hurt doesn't stop with her. The damage flows to all areas of a man’s life. To his character, self-esteem, and dignity. To his kids, who now have a very distracted and self centered dad. To his career because of a lack of focus and thought life at work.

And yes, his struggle hits his wife directly on a deeply personal level.

What to do?

Many women feel helpless in this fight, thinking there's nothing they can do. They are wounded and feel like their husband is completely unaware, or just doesn't care, how this makes them feel.

I want to encourage you, as someone who has lived this story, to know that you have hope. God cares about this and wants to see you and your husband healed and healthy.

You might be asking, "So what can I do to begin the healing process?"

Well I must tell you… a lot of this falls on your husband and his willingness to begin the process with you. If he’s closed to the idea, then it’s not going to happen. So again you may be asking..."Then what can
I do about it? I don't want to nag, but what am I supposed to do?"

Pray!

Begin by earnestly praying for your husband. Yes pray. And don’t think, "Is that ALL I can do?" It’s effective and powerful. I know this because my wife, Renee, became a prayer warrior during our crisis and God definitely heard and acted.

He will hear you as well.

Begin by praying for these items specifically:

1.) Your husband’s heart to soften and for him to see that this it is a real problem in his life. Like I mentioned, if he’s hard hearted, prideful, denying, and resistant, then nothing will change. But if his heart begins to soften regarding this situation, real change can come.

2.) The right voice to speak into his life. I’m talking about another man to have real talks with him about this and other issues that men face. An accountability partner perhaps. Or a mentor. A friend, in the truest sense.

Note: I’m not suggesting that this voice be yours. God will use you in equally powerful ways, just not this way. He needs a new voice. A peer.

3.) For God to take this problem from your hands. Understand, you should not carry this burden and God wants you to release it to Him. "Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7
NKJV)

Take a good look at that word "casting." It means to literally throw or fling something. To shed or discard. To release. Don’t you want to release this once and for all? God wants to take it from you because He cares.

Thank you Clay. I've asked Clay to be a guest on my blog today not just to share his story but to also participate in some dialog on this subject.

So, if you have questions you'd like to ask, please do so. And since this is such a touchy subject, please feel free to post your questions anonymously.

Clay will be checking in several times to today, to be a voice of truth and hope on this subject, so if you've ever wanted to ask a godly man's perspective on this issue, now's your chance. Post your questions by clicking on the word, comments below.

And be sure to join in tomorrow as Clay's wife, Renee, will be with us sharing her side of the story and answering questions as well.

Clay Crosse is a three-time Dove Award winner including the 1994 New Artist of the year.-He has had 9 #1 songs including “I Surrender All,” “He Walked a Mile,”“I Will Follow Christ,” and "Saving The World."

Clay and his wife Renee have been married since 1990 and are blessed with four children.
Clay and Renee, through their ministry HolyHomes, speak at various seminars and conferences nationwide along with his extensive concert schedule.

Holy Homes Ministries challenges Christian homes to be less like the world and more like Christ. This dynamic ministry was founded by Clay and Renee Crosse after they went through a life changing recommitment to Christ in 1998. ------ for more info, visit holyhomes.org