Thank you to all who participated in the semi-colon fun yesterday; I have a winner. It is Creekwader. Congrats! I think we'll tackle some other kind of grammar situation in an upcoming post.
Grammar situations are on my brain since I'm in the editing phase of my book. And apparently, I have issues. Yes, my dear friend and devo editor- Rachel, this includes beginning my sentences with connector words. I love doing that.
I also love buying t-shirts at Target.
Each spring, I like to buy some fresh, white, short sleeve, t-shirts. Then each fall, I like to buy the same t-shirts in the long sleeve variety. They are quite handy to wear underneath all sorts of jackets and sweaters.
However, the way Target is making their t-shirts these days, was starting to concern me. Apparently, the style is to cut the t-shirts so that they are tight fitting all the way down.
This doesn't work for me.
I have birthed three babies and have the pooch to prove it. I don't like my t-shirts to hug tightly against my stomach, revealing this pooch to the world. If I try to suck in my pooch all the live long day, it just about throws my lower back out.
So, you can imagine my sheer elation when I went to the Target the other day and found a long sleeve white shirt that doesn't squeeze my mid-section.
Yesterday, I wore my new, white t-shirt. But, my happiness didn't last long. What started out as a nice, looser fitting, t-shirt, grew throughout the day.
It was the craziest thing.
By the end of the day, I could have fit two of me inside the mid-section of that shirt! What in the world?
Well, upon closer examination, it is apparently a maternity shirt.
Hello. For pregnant ladies. Which I am not. Thank you very much.
But now that I've worn it for a whole day, I would totally feel guilty for returning it. I think.
I mean, can you imagine the conversation:
"Hello Target dude. I know you are so happy today to be placed in the returns section of the Target today. And no, I don't have my receipt which I understand further increases your joy and peace and feelings of goodwill toward all men... and women...
And no, I don't even have the price tag from this shirt. Because I was totally not planning on returning it. I heart this shirt very much. You see, I have this pooch. But, seeing as you are still in braces, we won't go into that. Anyhow, come closer so I can whisper something in your ear... shhhhhh.... this is a maternity shirt and I'm not pregnant!"
At which point, I imagine the Target dude reaching for the store-wide microphone and screeching out, "Stupid woman in returns needs a price check for a maternity shirt that she purchased because she has some sort of pooch that she's trying to hide. She now wants to return the shirt because she is not pregnant but clearly she still has this pooch."
The shame.
It would be worse than two days ago when I was trying to share my joy that the pump prices have dropped so dramatically with the gas station lady. In all my excitedness, I flipped my purse upside down sending change and who knows what else flying across the store.
I got so tickled, I suddenly couldn't speak. I was just hysterically laughing, while trying to gather up my things from underneath shelving that I am fairly certain has never been cleaned in all the 10 years this establishment has been in business.
When I finally got around to signing my gas receipt, the gas station lady reached out her hand very tenderly and told me to TAKE IT EASY.
Clearly, my issues extend way past the semi-colon.
Grammar situations are on my brain since I'm in the editing phase of my book. And apparently, I have issues. Yes, my dear friend and devo editor- Rachel, this includes beginning my sentences with connector words. I love doing that.
I also love buying t-shirts at Target.
Each spring, I like to buy some fresh, white, short sleeve, t-shirts. Then each fall, I like to buy the same t-shirts in the long sleeve variety. They are quite handy to wear underneath all sorts of jackets and sweaters.
However, the way Target is making their t-shirts these days, was starting to concern me. Apparently, the style is to cut the t-shirts so that they are tight fitting all the way down.
This doesn't work for me.
I have birthed three babies and have the pooch to prove it. I don't like my t-shirts to hug tightly against my stomach, revealing this pooch to the world. If I try to suck in my pooch all the live long day, it just about throws my lower back out.
So, you can imagine my sheer elation when I went to the Target the other day and found a long sleeve white shirt that doesn't squeeze my mid-section.
Yesterday, I wore my new, white t-shirt. But, my happiness didn't last long. What started out as a nice, looser fitting, t-shirt, grew throughout the day.
It was the craziest thing.
By the end of the day, I could have fit two of me inside the mid-section of that shirt! What in the world?
Well, upon closer examination, it is apparently a maternity shirt.
Hello. For pregnant ladies. Which I am not. Thank you very much.
But now that I've worn it for a whole day, I would totally feel guilty for returning it. I think.
I mean, can you imagine the conversation:
"Hello Target dude. I know you are so happy today to be placed in the returns section of the Target today. And no, I don't have my receipt which I understand further increases your joy and peace and feelings of goodwill toward all men... and women...
And no, I don't even have the price tag from this shirt. Because I was totally not planning on returning it. I heart this shirt very much. You see, I have this pooch. But, seeing as you are still in braces, we won't go into that. Anyhow, come closer so I can whisper something in your ear... shhhhhh.... this is a maternity shirt and I'm not pregnant!"
At which point, I imagine the Target dude reaching for the store-wide microphone and screeching out, "Stupid woman in returns needs a price check for a maternity shirt that she purchased because she has some sort of pooch that she's trying to hide. She now wants to return the shirt because she is not pregnant but clearly she still has this pooch."
The shame.
It would be worse than two days ago when I was trying to share my joy that the pump prices have dropped so dramatically with the gas station lady. In all my excitedness, I flipped my purse upside down sending change and who knows what else flying across the store.
I got so tickled, I suddenly couldn't speak. I was just hysterically laughing, while trying to gather up my things from underneath shelving that I am fairly certain has never been cleaned in all the 10 years this establishment has been in business.
When I finally got around to signing my gas receipt, the gas station lady reached out her hand very tenderly and told me to TAKE IT EASY.
Clearly, my issues extend way past the semi-colon.
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