I have discovered something about myself that is both bad and good; I am a sugar coater.
And I'm not talking about the kind of sugar that you eat. No, I'm a sugar coater with my words. This has served my personality well. I love to encourage and I hate conflict. Sugar coating words provided a way for me to deal with conflict without having to really deal with it.
Does that make sense?
It's sort of a way to dance around a problem rather than tackle it head on and clearly communicate what my desired outcome is. Sometimes sugar coating works great when problems are small enough to eventually blow over on their own.
It doesn't work great when real progress is needed.
I've been challenged lately to make my communication in times of conflict more direct, more honest, and more timely.
More direct- Speaking the truth in love without getting bogged down in emotions. A great question to ask during times of conflict is: "What is your desired outcome." Often, this cuts to the chase and brings a solution for the real issue to the surface.
More honest- Say what I mean and mean what I say. Again, speaking the truth in love, I shouldn't be afraid to tackle the harder issues with the goal being to make the relationship better in the end.
More timely- Avoiding issues doesn't make them better, it usually makes them bigger and more messy in the end. Now, sometimes, things don't need to be made into issues. If it is possible to just extend grace in an isolated instance, than I'm all about that. But, if it is a real issue causing lingering problems, the sooner it's dealt with- the sooner forgiveness can be pursued.
Ephesians Chapter 4 has some amazing insights on all of this. It talks about speaking the truth in love, putting off our old self, being made new in the attitudes of our minds, not letting any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, getting rid of bitterness, and the importance of forgiveness.
While I still don't like having to deal with conflict, I've realized good things can come from effective communication.
Now that I'm tackling the whole sugar coating my words problem... I'm wondering when I'll feel the motivation to tackle some of the other sugar issues in my life.
Seriously, why can't I crave lettuce!?!
Go ahead, speak some truth in love to me people!
And I'm not talking about the kind of sugar that you eat. No, I'm a sugar coater with my words. This has served my personality well. I love to encourage and I hate conflict. Sugar coating words provided a way for me to deal with conflict without having to really deal with it.
Does that make sense?
It's sort of a way to dance around a problem rather than tackle it head on and clearly communicate what my desired outcome is. Sometimes sugar coating works great when problems are small enough to eventually blow over on their own.
It doesn't work great when real progress is needed.
I've been challenged lately to make my communication in times of conflict more direct, more honest, and more timely.
More direct- Speaking the truth in love without getting bogged down in emotions. A great question to ask during times of conflict is: "What is your desired outcome." Often, this cuts to the chase and brings a solution for the real issue to the surface.
More honest- Say what I mean and mean what I say. Again, speaking the truth in love, I shouldn't be afraid to tackle the harder issues with the goal being to make the relationship better in the end.
More timely- Avoiding issues doesn't make them better, it usually makes them bigger and more messy in the end. Now, sometimes, things don't need to be made into issues. If it is possible to just extend grace in an isolated instance, than I'm all about that. But, if it is a real issue causing lingering problems, the sooner it's dealt with- the sooner forgiveness can be pursued.
Ephesians Chapter 4 has some amazing insights on all of this. It talks about speaking the truth in love, putting off our old self, being made new in the attitudes of our minds, not letting any unwholesome talk come out of our mouths, getting rid of bitterness, and the importance of forgiveness.
While I still don't like having to deal with conflict, I've realized good things can come from effective communication.
Now that I'm tackling the whole sugar coating my words problem... I'm wondering when I'll feel the motivation to tackle some of the other sugar issues in my life.
Seriously, why can't I crave lettuce!?!
Go ahead, speak some truth in love to me people!
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