For those of you who popped over here from my Encouragement for Today Devotion... welcome. Within this blog post you'll find those Scriptures I promised about God's love. If you'd like to leave a comment, please click on the word "comments" at the very end of this post and follow the prompts. I'm glad you decided to visit!
A few years ago, I sat with a beautiful young woman and watched the tears stream down her face. Six months before our meeting, her world was filled with so much. A loving husband, a healthy toddler, fun friends, and a new starter home that her mom helped her decorate.
Life was full.
But some part of her heart still felt restless, unsettled, a little empty. She couldn't put her finger on it. She tried talking to some of her friends but they laughed it off as something related to hormones that would pass.
Only the feeling didn't pass.
She started to feel detached from her husband and disappointed that his love didn't fulfill her. Why couldn't he make her feel loved? She'd always thought of marriage as the ultimate love. He was going to be the one to right her wrongs, fill up her insecurities and give her a lasting feeling of love, or so she thought.
Questions bombarded her constantly... What is wrong with him? Why didn't he say what he's supposed to say? Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not pretty enough, witty enough, good enough?
Then one day she met a man that said things she'd longed to hear her husband say. He made her feel pretty and witty. Soon, she rationalized that she'd never really loved her husband in the first place. She'd made a mistake marrying so young. This new man was her true soul mate.
She fell into his arms. A web of lies was spun. The thrill of new romance clouded her every decision.
She had not wanted to come to the women's retreat. She knew it might make her feel guilty and she was past any guilty feelings. She was just waiting for the right time to leave her husband and start over with the real love of her life.
But her friends had started to grow suspicious of her pulling back from so many church activities. So, to appease them, she went.
Over the course of the weekend, the walls she'd so carefully constructed to keep everyone at a distance and her secret safe started to crumble. By Saturday night, she sat down with me and confessed her secret.
She desperately wanted to know how I felt so full of God's love. She'd never known that kind of relationship with God. She was now convinced it wasn't the love of another man her heart craved, it was the love of God.
I think this is true of many people. We spend years chasing things in this world that we think will make us feel loved. But everything this world has to offer is temporary. Everything. The kind of love our souls crave is lasting, eternal. And only God can fill up our hearts with that kind of love.
The sad thing about chasing love outside the will of God is it invites so much into our lives that is the exact opposite of love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is picture of God's perfect love. It is patient. It is kind. It does not envy... it is not self-seeking... it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth... it always protects... it always perseveres. Love never fails.
This is not a description of what is inherently ours when we fall in love with another person. It is a description of God's love. This kind of love can be ours as we become more Christ like and decide to give this kind of love. It is never focused inwardly. It is never about what I'm going to get from another person. It is deciding this is the kind of love I will give away.
The things we chase in this world are so opposite from God's love. False attempts at love will make us impatient, unkind, envious, self-seeking, resistant to the truth, reckless and temporary.
I am challenged by this. Because our souls were designed for God's fulfilling love, if we aren't staying closely connected to Him everyday, our hearts will start to feel empty. Restless. Unfulfilled.
Let us never get to the place where we think we are strong enough to not be tempted in this way. If we are all completely honest, we are only a few bad decisions away from the same kind of mess my sweet friend is now trying to untangle herself from. While I have complete hope in God's ability to restore her, the consequences of her chase for love will be severe on many levels.
Oh sweet friends, can we make a commitment together today? Can we commit to be women who recognize how crafty Satan can be and how vulnerable we are when it comes to our need for love?
And if something or somebody in this world seems appealing enough to draw our hearts away from the truth of God, we commit to being women who will readily admit it to another godly woman and ask for help.
The kind of love our souls crave will never be found in the things of this world. The only lasting and perfectly satisfying love will only be found when we stop chasing and start living out the truths of God.
A few years ago, I sat with a beautiful young woman and watched the tears stream down her face. Six months before our meeting, her world was filled with so much. A loving husband, a healthy toddler, fun friends, and a new starter home that her mom helped her decorate.
Life was full.
But some part of her heart still felt restless, unsettled, a little empty. She couldn't put her finger on it. She tried talking to some of her friends but they laughed it off as something related to hormones that would pass.
Only the feeling didn't pass.
She started to feel detached from her husband and disappointed that his love didn't fulfill her. Why couldn't he make her feel loved? She'd always thought of marriage as the ultimate love. He was going to be the one to right her wrongs, fill up her insecurities and give her a lasting feeling of love, or so she thought.
Questions bombarded her constantly... What is wrong with him? Why didn't he say what he's supposed to say? Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm not pretty enough, witty enough, good enough?
Then one day she met a man that said things she'd longed to hear her husband say. He made her feel pretty and witty. Soon, she rationalized that she'd never really loved her husband in the first place. She'd made a mistake marrying so young. This new man was her true soul mate.
She fell into his arms. A web of lies was spun. The thrill of new romance clouded her every decision.
She had not wanted to come to the women's retreat. She knew it might make her feel guilty and she was past any guilty feelings. She was just waiting for the right time to leave her husband and start over with the real love of her life.
But her friends had started to grow suspicious of her pulling back from so many church activities. So, to appease them, she went.
Over the course of the weekend, the walls she'd so carefully constructed to keep everyone at a distance and her secret safe started to crumble. By Saturday night, she sat down with me and confessed her secret.
She desperately wanted to know how I felt so full of God's love. She'd never known that kind of relationship with God. She was now convinced it wasn't the love of another man her heart craved, it was the love of God.
I think this is true of many people. We spend years chasing things in this world that we think will make us feel loved. But everything this world has to offer is temporary. Everything. The kind of love our souls crave is lasting, eternal. And only God can fill up our hearts with that kind of love.
The sad thing about chasing love outside the will of God is it invites so much into our lives that is the exact opposite of love. 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 is picture of God's perfect love. It is patient. It is kind. It does not envy... it is not self-seeking... it does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth... it always protects... it always perseveres. Love never fails.
This is not a description of what is inherently ours when we fall in love with another person. It is a description of God's love. This kind of love can be ours as we become more Christ like and decide to give this kind of love. It is never focused inwardly. It is never about what I'm going to get from another person. It is deciding this is the kind of love I will give away.
The things we chase in this world are so opposite from God's love. False attempts at love will make us impatient, unkind, envious, self-seeking, resistant to the truth, reckless and temporary.
I am challenged by this. Because our souls were designed for God's fulfilling love, if we aren't staying closely connected to Him everyday, our hearts will start to feel empty. Restless. Unfulfilled.
Let us never get to the place where we think we are strong enough to not be tempted in this way. If we are all completely honest, we are only a few bad decisions away from the same kind of mess my sweet friend is now trying to untangle herself from. While I have complete hope in God's ability to restore her, the consequences of her chase for love will be severe on many levels.
Oh sweet friends, can we make a commitment together today? Can we commit to be women who recognize how crafty Satan can be and how vulnerable we are when it comes to our need for love?
And if something or somebody in this world seems appealing enough to draw our hearts away from the truth of God, we commit to being women who will readily admit it to another godly woman and ask for help.
The kind of love our souls crave will never be found in the things of this world. The only lasting and perfectly satisfying love will only be found when we stop chasing and start living out the truths of God.
32 Comments:
This is a great post. I think this is one of the many reasons that we need a group of people around us that we trust, and GIVE PERMISSION, to tell us the truth - especially when they see we're headed for distaster! We are so blind when we're in the midst of deception, that we need others around us to clearly see where we're going.
"Stop chasing and start living out the truths of God."
Amen, sister. Amen.
I just witnessed this very situation in a friends life. It made me realize just how vulnerable I'm making myself by asking my husband to fulfill my every need. I'm learning how to take my needs to God and let Him fulfill me.
Great wise words Melinda and Anonymous...thank you...
1 Corinthians 13:4-8....
"It is deciding this is the kind of love I will give away."
Yes. Amen, sister.
Lysa, you said, "It is never focused inwardly. It is never about what I'm going to get from another person. It is deciding this is the kind of love I will give away."
These words are so true!! Our world today is focused on what WE can GET from others, but Jesus tells us to put ourselves aside. WE are no longer part of the equation.
Wonderful words that I'll remember today. Thank you.
Great post, Lysa! Much to ponder over and pray about. Thanks for your sweet and loving heart.
Hugs,
Susan
Lysa,
I once found myself on a very similar path that was well crafted by the enemy. I have recently blogged about it transparently.(The Gift of Honesty) If anyone is looking for a sister who understands and has walked the path away from satan's death trap back to life I would love to be there to walk with you. You can find me at http://ateachableheart.blogspot.com
In Psalm 103:4 David is praising God, "who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion." When you know that you are forgiven of something, you become crowned with a new love and compassion for others who may have stumbled into the same pit that you did. Don't allow yourself to stay in the pit! Push past the fear of judgement and walk in the freedom and light that God has created you for.
Resting continuously in HIS grace,
Shanda
Thanks for such a wonderful post. I was so relieved to find out that no man could ever possibly make my love bank complete. My husband appreciated it to, God's shoulders are the only ones broad enough to rest on in this.
Thank you for your words - always a great reminder. His love is all that matters and when it fills us we can give it away. Made me think about the Fireproof movie - thanks for recommending it, we were blessed!
I had a minister say to me once that if our relationship with the Lord is always in order then all of our earthly relationships will be in order. When relationships with people start going sour...I always stop and take a moment to see if I am right with the Lord. When I go back to putting Him first, then those relationships are healed as well.
Lysa, Once again a post that touches the heart of a hurting woman who may read this. I love that you don't shy away from the tough stuff. Look forward to seeing you again somewhere on the speaking trail. I just arrived home and have three weeks at home before I leave again. : ) Book deadline due, but also some down time built in. Love ya, Suzie
Lysa,
Thanks so much for sharing this post. It reminds me of the book "When Godly people do Ungodly things" by Beth Moore. It can happen to any one of us if we aren't watchful and we all have to stand guard against the enemies schemes. May God protect you and each woman who reads this post from any of the devil's tactics.
Sincerely,
Paige
I was one of those women who belived the grass was greener on the other side.When really I should have been water the grass I was standing on.
My first marriage ended in divorce.I will never forget the day my son,4 years old,watched his dad drive away.
Ryan then turned to me and said "Mommy,don't worry I'll take care of you",that day changed my son's life.
I have been married to my second husband for 21 years,although the first 12 years of our marriage almost ended in divorce.Satan used every trick in the book of fleshly desires to bring this marriage to an end. My heart longed for that perfect love which only God could give me. God has placed my desires with His desire.
Today our daughter has the security of knowing her family is committed to God and each other.
Your writing always finds it's way to my heart!
You are so right about seeking God's love. I, too, fell into the same web of lies looking for "love". It was the most painful and humiliating time of my life. God had to break through the wall of incorrect expectations and ideas I had in my mind that kept me from truly surrendering my heart to His beautiful, healing love. But praise God, He loved me enough to pursue my heart until I completely gave it to Him. I was just too hard-headed for it to be easy. He is so worth it!! L Lindsey
This kind of teaching is SO needed in today's society! There are several points that will be very helpful to me in counseling with young women in the pregnancy center. So many of them are looking, longing , and lusting for some kind of "love" but yet most of them don't know that they're looking in the wrong places until they look to Jesus...the only One who can love them perfectly!
Thank you for your honesty and caring!
Marilyn
Amen. Thank you for this.
Thank you! You are truely an inspiration to all of us!
May we be so filled with His love that we don't have room for anything more!
So well put Lisa! Someone very close to me has been on this chase since high school and it has shipwrecked her in so many ways; it's truly heartbreaking to watch.
And I agree that even if we think we're on a steady course we need to always be aware of our own vulnerabilities that we don't find ourselves slipping down a path we thought we'd never find. Returning to the only One who can ever really hold our hearts is our best security.
I was running from the Lord for so many years and into so many messed up relationships. I'm thankful He rescued me from the vicious cycle of infatuation. I was to blame for all the wrong choices, but many of the unGodly messages in movies,songs, books and the like saturated my heart and mind enormously. I thank the Lord He has saved me and as one Christian song goes "You (Lord) know how to hold me close. Say exactly what I need to hear and I believe every word." I know He is the only one who fills the very part of my heart that no one else can.
Your blog is a tremendous blessing in my life! Blessings to you!
I am learning every day lately that it is a choice. A choice to live in God's Freedom and His Love.
What a lesson for so many! I loved Melinda's quote: "Stop chasing and start living out the truths of God."
So True!
Lysa, thank you thank you thank you for sharing this! Such wisdom is relevant for today. Awesome post.
Thanks for sharing this. I needed to be reminded that it is God who fulfills my need for love -- not guys, a family, or even friends. I first have to find my love in him.
“Love Not The World”
”For the WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one”(I John 5:19)
Rather simple to "see" what the world is, for those with "eyes to see"? The Messiah declared the world to be wicked, and i believe it rather simple to "see" that the world is that 'place' where money is 'god', and 'god' is money. That 'place' where The Only True GOD's Order, which is HIS Will, has been cast aside, replaced by the "imag"ined systems of mankind, and especially the religious systems which create but confusion, dis-order, and every evil work. Yet to those who are of this world, such a 'place' is a paradise. And what better represents such a 'place' than that which is called the u.s. of a.?
“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world will pass away, and the lust thereof: but he that does the will of The Only True GOD will abide for ever.” (I John 2:15-17)
“If you were of the world, the world would love it’s own: but because you are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the word that I said unto you, the servant is not greater than his Master. If they have persecuted Me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept My saying, they will keep yours also.” (John 15:19-20)
“Where do wars and fighting among you come from? Do they not come of your lusts that war in your members? You lust, and have not: you kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: you fight and war yet you have not, because you ask not. You ask, and receive not, because you ask amiss, that you may consume it upon your lusts. You adulterers and adulteresses, don’t you know that friendship with the world is to be at enmity with The Only True GOD? Therefore whoever will be a friend of the world is the enemy of The Only True GOD.” (James 4:1-4)
“The world cannot hate you; but the world hates Me, because I testify that the works of this world are evil.” (John 7:7)” and “The Messiah gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil world, according to the will of The Only True God, Our Father.”(Gal 1:4)
The Messiah testified: “If the world hates you know that it hated Me before it hated you.”(John 5:18) Truly, Truly, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abides alone: but if it die it brings forth much fruit. He that loves his life in this world shall lose it; and he that hates his life in this world shall have it unto life eternal.” (John 12:24-25)
John testified: “Marvel not, my brethren, if the world hates you.” (I John 3:13) “ James testified, “Whoever would be a friend of this world is the enemy of GOD”(James 4:4)
The “earth” is The Creation of The Only True GOD, Father of ALL! The “worldly” systems are the creation of, and under the dominion of “the god of this world”, he who is “the father of lies”, he who “has blinded the minds of those who believe not The Messiah”! All the nations of this world are under the dominion of, and serve, the evil one for he provides the fuel that feeds mankind’s “imag”ination, and mankind’s “imagination is destroying and perverting Creation(land, air, water, creatures, Truth, Love, Peace, Faith, Simplicity, .etc.) ;-(
And the “strongest thing” in the evil one’s worldly systems? “Woman”…… yet The Truth, that which is of The Only True GOD, is stronger even than woman. (read I Esdras 3&4 of the Apocrypha) And Truth, Love, Peace, Faith, Mercy, Hope,,,etc,,, all that is “good”, is of The Only True GOD and is of HIS Spirit, not of this world. Those born of The Spirit, those born of The Only True GOD, are the brethren of The Messiah, for they received "a love of The Truth that they might be saved”. Reborn!
And those who have received "a love of The Truth” have separated themselves from this world and those of this world, for they have taken heed unto The Call of The Only True GOD to “Come out of her MY people.” They are “in, but not of this wicked, evil world”, and The Only True GOD has received them, and is "A Father unto them, and they are HIS sons and daughters”. And they follow, and desire to be like their Master and Brother, The Messiah, He Who was “the firstborn of many brethren”. And as “The Messiah was a servant of The Only True GOD”, so also His Brethren are “servants of The Only True GOD.”
The called out ones are not “adulterers and adulteresses”, they are not “friends of this wicked, evil world”, they do not “fornicate with the god of this world” for they know that “to be a friend of this world is to be the enemy of The Only True GOD.” They are at war against the evil spirits that possess those who are of this world.
And they do not “allow that woman Jezebel, which calls herself a prophetess, to teach. For she teaches others to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols. The Only True GOD gave her a chance to repent of her fornication; and she repented not.” (Rev 2:20-21)
“fornication” and “adultery..” in that which is recorded above signifies spiritual fornication with “the god of this world”, which is to love that which is of his world.
Once again, the “earth” is The Creation of The Only True GOD, Father of ALL! The “worldly” systems are the creation of, and under the dominion of “the god of this world”.
Those who “love this world” all serve “the god of this world”, and play their part in the processes that seek to destroy The Creation of The Only True GOD. “And The Only True GOD will destroy them who destroy the earth.” (Rev 11:18)
Global warming, polluted air, land and waters, toxic wastes, sexual perversion, evil inventions of destruction, greed, hate, carnal warfare, dis-ease ,,,etc,,, are all destructive processes that have their root in “the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the pride of life”.
And as stated, “woman is the strongest thing of this world”. Yet stronger than woman is The Truth, which is in those who have “received a love of The Truth”.
The Truth Is Alive in those who have been born of The Spirit for “they no longer love this wicked, evil world and it’s things, nor do they love their own lives in this world”.
They but seek and desire The Will of GOD, their Father and Creator, as they await their final transformation. “Corruptible to Incorruptible" ndeed and Truth!
Now “the ground was cursed for Adam’s sake” because he “hearkened unto the woman”.
Adam listened to a woman rather than obeying The Only True GOD. Yet because of Faithful Noah, The Only True GOD “no longer would curse the ground for man’s sake” because Noah obeyed The Only True GOD! (Genesis 8:21-22)
And the Faithful today are exhorted to “love not the world, neither the things that are in the world.” And Faithful women are exhorted to “be in silence.” “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. For I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.” “For Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” (I Timothy 2:11,12,14)
A man and woman joined together in obedience and submission unto The Only True GOD are blessed indeed. All who are not obedient, all who will not submit themselves unto The Only True GOD will have to answer to HIM..period..
Be not of those who deny and defy “The One GOD, Father of All”. Be not of those who are destroying and perverting HIS Creation(land, air, water, creatures, Light, Truth, Love, Peace, Hope, Mercy, Thankfulness, .etc.)!
Paul testified, “The Only True GOD is The HEAD of The Messiah, The Messiah is The Head of the man, and the man is the head of the woman”. Multitudes pervert GOD’s Order because they have been seduced by ” the commandments and doctrines of men and devils”.
Multitudes are seduced by the religious systems that are in and of this evil world. Seduced because they love this evil world and their own life in it!
“Set your affections on things above”. Desire heavenly, eternal things. Quit serving ‘time’ in the prison that is this world and take heed unto The Call of "The Only True GOD" to ”Come Out of her, MY people!”
Once again, “Come out” of the worldly systems, which are the product of mankind’s “imag”ination, especially the religious systems. “Come out” from among those who are destroying and perverting Creation and be of those who follow The Messiah on “The Way to The Truth of The Life”.
Peace, in spite of the dis-ease(no-peace) that is of this world, for "the WHOLE world is under the control of the evil one" indeed and Truth.......
Truth is never ending.......
To me, this goes hand in hand with your devotion, "Is Jesus Enough?".
Who is filling my love tank...Jesus? Or am I expecting my husband to be my source?
I am glad you did this post. We do have to be careful that we do not think, "well, that can never happen to me." I think complacency sets us up for attack by the one roaming about like a lion looking for whom he may devour. May we not be easy prey.
Thank you for this reminder and challenge to all wives.
Run into HIS everlasting arms. My daughter gave me a perfect glimpse of my desire to run with abandon into His arms...I posted the pictures a few minutes ago, and then came to this post. I love how the Lord does this. :)
I really appreciate it that you have shared this insights with us, women. I agree that women tend to look for 'love' source only from their relationship with men and forgot the fact that we are creatures needed fulfilments from God. Thank you Lysa.
I really appreciate it that you have shared this insights with us, women. I agree that women tend to look for 'love' source only from their relationship with men and forgot the fact that we are creatures needed fulfilments from God. Thank you Lysa.
OH Wow Lysa. Beautiful.
While I'm 2 days later in reading your blog, I just wanted to share how touched I am by it; and how God's timing is always perfect....
I too was deceived by Satan in believing someone else was who I should be with, instead of my husband of 13 years. After a 3-year long affair I was "found out" by my husband but before he could fully react the way a worldly person would, God stepped in. We have been MORE BLESSED in the past 12 months in our marriage, and our family, then ever before! Only a few close friends know our story, as it definitely was nothing I wanted to share due to guilt, shame, etc... But a year later (this month) I'm finding strength & purpose in sharing my story (just this morning) with my new Prayer Partner. I confessed to her, because God told me if she's to pray for me, she needs to know me. Just as we are called to know God. It's very hard to get to trust someone, if you don't know them. So post-coffee time with my friend, I get on-line & bounce around and land here.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for Lysa, and the gift you've given her & her ministry in sharing your unconditional Love with all of us. You are the true source of fulfillment in our hearts. In your son's Precious Name I pray,
Amen.
This is a great reminder that we all need to pay attention to the 'meditations of our hearts', because all it would take for this scenario to happen in our own lives is a few wrong choices. The enemy is not bias and he'll target anyone.
Our thoughts turn into plans...our plans turn into actions... our actions turn into habits...and our habits turn into strongholds.
It is sooooo liberating to know that this is a blog where God truly dwells, and where women can begin to get free from the chains and webs of the enemy.
I pray for the women who are reading this and are living the same scenario that Lysa describes. May you see that you are not alone in your journey, and that God is the answer to wholeness and restoration in your life.
I meditated on thoughts of other men sweeping me off of my feet for most of my marriage. Because of my expectation for him to be my "all in all", my husband couldn't do anything good enough and didn't love me like I wanted to be loved, and unfortunately, it drove him to other things. And although he's the one who acted on his desires, God showed me that I committed adultery in my heart way before he walked out.
I sit here a year later with a divorce almost final, yet God has filled me with His amazing love, and I am learning that only His touch can satisfy completely!
"Be self-controlled and alert [especially in your thought life]. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. and the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself RESTORE you and make you STRONG, STRONG, FIRM AND STEADFAST!!! (1 Peter 5:8-10, NIV, emphasis added mine)
In His grip,
God's girl in WI
Confessions of a Former Feminist!
I am 47 now, menopause and middle age solidly upon me. Still, being a woman remains a challenge; being a new woman, "a new thing on the earth who encompasses a man" (Jer 31:22), the greatest challenge. No kidding. Is it any wonder that it would be all but impossible for a man to rule over a woman these days, with her giving voluntary surrender to his heart, thus fulfilling her created purpose? (Gen 3:16). Not only that, but also doing her part to restore the universe in the process? (Rev 12:1). Woman is the key, but feminists won't like the recipe.
When I was a little girl around nine years old, I learned how to avoid little boys who gave me a hard time. I didn't like being chased and caught, teased and made the center of attention. It hurt. I did something about it. I did my best to avoid situations like that. It worked pretty well.
I went to private schools for girls and to a woman's college. In social settings, I only dealt with men whom I wanted to relate to and I did so on my terms. I cherished my heart and my feelings. I didn't want to spend them on anything but the real thing. During the rise of feminism in the '70s and '80s (in my twenties and thirties), I judged that I had done the wise and right thing to protect myself. I thought I had fared well in guarding myself from being unnecessarily hurt by men. I could cite a litany of my relationships, feeling like I had come out the other side relatively unscathed.
But as the years pass and the love of my husband brings healing to my life, I am only just beginning to realize some of the hurts that I caused men in the process. I had no idea, and what's worse, I don't even remember thinking about it.
I have been a new woman (Havah Hadashah) and a disciple of Yahshua for twelve years now. As time moves on, the scales are being lifted from my eyes and I am seeing more and more clearly how I have been deceived by schemes of evil, contrary to God, and how women today are probably the most deceived women of all time. To be deceived means to believe something to be true that is not true, even though you believe it with all your heart. Being deceived is the sin of Eve and of all women. It is sin because we are all accountable for what and who we believe (Proverbs 17:4). Do we trust good or evil, truth or lies? Eve doubted God's goodness toward her and fallen women continue to do the same, trusting in their own understanding rather than leaning on God and man. It is not theory; it is reality. Look around you — can you see it everywhere?
I'll give you just one example of a deception that plagued me for years and I didn't even know it. It is near and dear to my heart. When I was twenty-two, I suddenly fell madly in love when I least expected it. It was mutual. He was a few years younger and it took us both by surprise. It lasted a few months and then "puff!" — he was gone. It vanished faster than it arrived. I was devastated. It caused me great pain for years and I never could figure out what happened, no matter how much I pined away over it. I believed our love was true and I was utterly perplexed at what caused the bottom to drop out of it. We had no fight, no falling out, no final phone call — just "puff!"
Communication about it just didn't or couldn't happen. I never could reach any resolve in myself about it. Occasionally I would see him around. Mystified as I was by the whole thing, my tender heart toward him remained. I never felt distant or estranged or bitter, just severed. We had not been unkind to each other.
The years came and went. He married. When I saw a photograph of his bride in the newspaper, I knew he did not love her. Then the decades came and went. We had a few good conversations about life, never really about us. He divorced, moved on in his work, remarried. The warmth between us was never absent on the very rare occasion that we would cross paths.
A few years back my husband and I were talking. He told me he thought that this particular relationship took a chunk out of my life that I never recovered from. He didn't know how or why; he just sensed it. I knew it was the truth. I was surprised how he could single it out like that because the relationship had lasted only a few months. He wanted to help me. He wanted me to recover. He was not threatened. He always trusts my love and need for him. We talked in detail. He told me it was pretty simple what happened twenty years ago — I had devastated my old love when I said no to getting married. It was more than he could handle. The human heart was not meant to "handle" such things.
"I wasn't ready." " It didn't mean I didn't love him." " My parents couldn't take it." On and on. I had many reasons. But the fact is that I was as much "in love" with him as I knew how to be back then and it had never once, not in twenty-some years, occurred to me that I had hurt him like that, that I had driven him away by my unwillingness to become his wife. I felt so stupid and so bad. I broke down crying when I finally saw what had happened and faced the reality of how I had hurt him. I knew his life had not been particularly happy. I had such deep regret in me for hurting his heart, his loving heart that I thought I had treasured. The spirit of the times deceived me to think something else was more important — my life, my career, my selfish ambition. I trusted it. I believed a lie, but nevertheless I am the one responsible for what I did. It has taken me twenty-five years to see how our "free love" cost a lot — a whole lot.
So last year, after 24 years, I looked him up, went to his place of business, walked in the door and said I had something to tell him. He was stunned and not unhappy to see me. He made the time and we laughed. I confessed to him what I had just learned, telling him how embarrassed I was never to have realized my own selfishness and insensitivity. I repented to him in tears for hurting him, for not trusting the depth of his heart toward me enough to lean my life on him. I had used him and didn't even know it. All along I had unconsciously presumed that he was as selfish as I was. I was very wrong. He was in stunned disbelief that I never knew why he stopped coming around. He stared right at me, right through me and out the other side saying, "I thought you knew. I thought you knew you were the one that ended it. I loved you." I assured him in utter shame that what I was telling him was the truth. We both cried and smiled. I don't think the pain of how I hurt him will ever be gone for me, but I know I am forgiven and rejoice that at least now I am beginning to see these ways as sin, confess them, and receive mercy.
The problem between us was that our relationship went ahead of being in a covenant — a covenant of marriage. It is not the way it is supposed to be. Feminism doesn't teach you much, if anything, deeper than a woman's own self-interest. Feminism is a lie. It is a deceitful scheme designed to rob women and men both. Don't do to someone else what you don't want them to do to you. Remember? The Golden Rule. Why is it that women can fault what men do to them, but see it as their right to do the same thing back, or worse? Do you recall the popularity of the movie First Wives, glorifying revenge? It is an evil approach to life that cannot make anyone happy except those who glory in evil.
Often women feel used by men sexually — after the fact. But if they didn't sleep with men whom they were not willing to surrender their lives to, then they would not get used in that way. Neither would men. The deception is that women don't face how seriously they hurt men in relationships — it is wicked that they justify it. It is just as evil as men misusing women. Both men and women forget that they will have to give account for how they relate to one another, not on their terms, but on God's, who designed the protected covenant of marriage where intimacy could be cherished and blessed.
The sooner men and women realize they need each other to be men and women, according to God's created purpose (Gen 1:24-28), the better it will be — for everybody, including the children, the future adults on this planet. A man and a woman being one the way God intended — man ruling from a place of giving up his life for his wife, and woman surrendering totally to his love — is the beginning of restoration. It is the opposite of broken relationships. It is the foundation of wanted, procreated children who want to follow the vision of their parents, in pursuit of love.
"I've looked at love from both sides now, from up and down, and still somehow it's love's illusions I recall. I really don't know love at all." There was truth in these '60s lyrics. No one can know love if he only loves himself. I am happy to be learning how to love for real and to walk in the forgiveness of the One who poured out His life for me when I don't. My husband leads me on that path and I am so glad I could see past the fears and the lies of feminism to surrender to his love, without reserve. It is wonderful to be a woman learning what my created purpose is. I have no regrets in that act of trusting.
To trust is the most feminine and most godly and most radical act a woman can do. Restoration must come through woman, through her voluntary surrender. The sorrow that I know is that which comes from the damage and pain I caused others in only trusting myself. I'm glad there is an alternative, a way to be forgiven and have a new life where I can learn to love and be loved, for real.
~ Havah
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