Today I have a devotion running over at Proverbs 31 Ministries called "My Secret." If you are interested you can read it by clicking here.
I would imagine some of you have wondered why I would share a story about my life that is so personal, so painful.
There are several reasons. First, I have been called by God to do so. Not everyone is called to share their deepest secrets with the world. But I have been, therefore part of my sharing is out of my great love for God and how He's healed me.
But another great reason I share is because I wish I could have talked to me years ago. I wish I'd heard one woman, any woman, tell about her heartbreak as a result of having an abortion before I'd had mine. My decision would have been different.
Genesis 50:20 says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
The last reason I share my story is because I know that statistics show 1 in 3 women inside the church have had an abortion. How can this be true when no one is talking about this?
There are thousands upon thousands of women who walk in and out of the doors of church each week dying from a horrible shame locked deep inside them. I know. For years my abortion rendered me incapable of being myself, serving God and even loving my family.
So, I have a passion to share with women that healing is possible.
Part of my healing came from naming my child and writing a letter to him. I don't know for sure whether my child was a boy or a girl, but in my heart I believe we would have had a son named David.
Here is a letter I wrote to David that pretty much explains the last reason I have to share my story. It's a promise kept.
My dearest David,
The words ‘I’m sorry’ do not seem quite enough to express the deep, heartfelt regret I have about the wrong decision your father and I made when we found out we were pregnant with you.
I have so often longed to hold you and tell you how much I love you. But for now I must trust Jesus to do that for me. I am writing you this letter because I want to know that your life, although very short, was not for nothing. Jesus has begun a wonderful work in me.
For a long time the fear of rejection ruled my life. I had a little closet in my heart where I kept all of my deepest hurts and worst secrets under tight lock and key. I was deceived by Satan to think that if anyone ever discovered my closet and what was inside, I would be rejected by everyone, including Jesus.
This deception and fear of rejection is what caused me to end your life before you had the chance of being born. But what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good.
You see David, your mom through Jesus, has conquered that great fear of being rejected. I now know who I am in Christ and that there is no condemnation in Him. I have given the key to my heart to Jesus and have allowed Him to open me, heal me, and use me.
There will be many people who know about you David and the great significance of your life. Many hearts will be turned back Jesus, healed and forever changed because of hearing about you.
I will always miss you David and wonder what life might be like if you were here. I can’t wait to get to heaven and finally get to hold you myself. Until then blow me kisses from heaven and I’ll carry them in my heart.
I love you,
Mommy
I would imagine some of you have wondered why I would share a story about my life that is so personal, so painful.
There are several reasons. First, I have been called by God to do so. Not everyone is called to share their deepest secrets with the world. But I have been, therefore part of my sharing is out of my great love for God and how He's healed me.
But another great reason I share is because I wish I could have talked to me years ago. I wish I'd heard one woman, any woman, tell about her heartbreak as a result of having an abortion before I'd had mine. My decision would have been different.
Genesis 50:20 says, "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
The last reason I share my story is because I know that statistics show 1 in 3 women inside the church have had an abortion. How can this be true when no one is talking about this?
There are thousands upon thousands of women who walk in and out of the doors of church each week dying from a horrible shame locked deep inside them. I know. For years my abortion rendered me incapable of being myself, serving God and even loving my family.
So, I have a passion to share with women that healing is possible.
Part of my healing came from naming my child and writing a letter to him. I don't know for sure whether my child was a boy or a girl, but in my heart I believe we would have had a son named David.
Here is a letter I wrote to David that pretty much explains the last reason I have to share my story. It's a promise kept.
My dearest David,
The words ‘I’m sorry’ do not seem quite enough to express the deep, heartfelt regret I have about the wrong decision your father and I made when we found out we were pregnant with you.
I have so often longed to hold you and tell you how much I love you. But for now I must trust Jesus to do that for me. I am writing you this letter because I want to know that your life, although very short, was not for nothing. Jesus has begun a wonderful work in me.
For a long time the fear of rejection ruled my life. I had a little closet in my heart where I kept all of my deepest hurts and worst secrets under tight lock and key. I was deceived by Satan to think that if anyone ever discovered my closet and what was inside, I would be rejected by everyone, including Jesus.
This deception and fear of rejection is what caused me to end your life before you had the chance of being born. But what the devil meant for evil, God meant for good.
You see David, your mom through Jesus, has conquered that great fear of being rejected. I now know who I am in Christ and that there is no condemnation in Him. I have given the key to my heart to Jesus and have allowed Him to open me, heal me, and use me.
There will be many people who know about you David and the great significance of your life. Many hearts will be turned back Jesus, healed and forever changed because of hearing about you.
I will always miss you David and wonder what life might be like if you were here. I can’t wait to get to heaven and finally get to hold you myself. Until then blow me kisses from heaven and I’ll carry them in my heart.
I love you,
Mommy
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