God has had me on such an amazing journey for the past seven years.
You see it was 7 years ago that I knelt beside my bed in a hotel room and told God that I wanted to live a life completely and utterly surrendered to Him. Through my tears I asked Him to reveal to me what He required of me? His reply, "Radical Obedience."
I had been obedient but only to a certain point. I was good but I was not holy. I had faith but had no desire to be put in a position to really have to practice it.
So, I pulled out my Bible and read it with fresh eyes. Eyes that desired to see more than just words. Eyes that desired to see God Himself. I wanted to walk, breathe, live, and maybe even have parts of me die in order to get past just being a good Bible study girl. I was so full of knowledge and yet completely starved of experiencing God Himself.
Francis Frangipane, one of my favorite authors, wrote about this condition, "Right knowledge is vital, but we want more than just knowledge. We want the Presence of the Almighty to fill the vacuum of our doctrines with substance, the very substance of Himself."
So, the adventure started. I started praying the dangerous prayers and asking the unsafe questions. I shifted from bless me to expose me. I admitted my ugliness and confessed my unwillingness. And I dared to admit that I was not a woman of faith. For if I was completely honest, I lived a life that required no faith at all. I cried. I hurt. Finally, finally the Lysa that so desperately wanted the world's acceptance, accolades, ease, answers, cover-ups, and half-hearted faith, died.
And for the first time ever I tasted life. God himself was there. And the more I saw Him, the more I was compelled to give Him everything. Francis F. also says, "The more we see God as He is, the more compelled we are to give Him our all."
My friends, giving my all has found me many days in the very fibers of my carpet crying puddles of tears while asking, "Are you sure God? I am scared. I am so not capable. If I were You, I'm not sure I would trust me with this assignment."
Passionately pursuing God in absolute obedience led me to pull away from some friendships. It led me to be questioned and condemned. It led me to a fast from TV for over 2 years. It led me to come to know about a war torn nation full of crying orphans. It led me to hearing "mom" said with an African accent. It led me to locking myself in the bathroom after screaming at my five kids telling God that I had just proven- I can't do this. It led me to deep places of questioning. It led me to be on the Oprah show. It led me to endure some of the harshest criticism I've ever known by people who don't understand. It led me Hollywood. It led me to have a chance to speak to the world. It led me to understand that even having a national platform is very empty in and of itself. It led me to a place of desperation for God.
Now after seven years of radical obedience I wish I could give myself an A on this lesson and move on. But I must be honest.
I find myself in the midst of God's sweet presence once again saying, "I have been obedient but only to a certain point. I have been good but I am not holy. I have faith but still struggle with the desire to be put in a position to really have to practice it."
And so the journey continues.
If any part of this resonates with you, will you post and let me know? I am supposed to be writing another book this year and I'd love for your participation in the writing of it. I have no idea what it will be called. I have begged God to tell me--- so, we'll see.
But one thing I do know is this--- a few years ago the world was asking is Jesus true. That's not the question any longer. I'm convinced the question the world now asks is, "Does Jesus work?" Oh God, that my life could answer this question with a resounding yes, is the very beat of my fragile heart and the song of my rag tag soul.
You see it was 7 years ago that I knelt beside my bed in a hotel room and told God that I wanted to live a life completely and utterly surrendered to Him. Through my tears I asked Him to reveal to me what He required of me? His reply, "Radical Obedience."
I had been obedient but only to a certain point. I was good but I was not holy. I had faith but had no desire to be put in a position to really have to practice it.
So, I pulled out my Bible and read it with fresh eyes. Eyes that desired to see more than just words. Eyes that desired to see God Himself. I wanted to walk, breathe, live, and maybe even have parts of me die in order to get past just being a good Bible study girl. I was so full of knowledge and yet completely starved of experiencing God Himself.
Francis Frangipane, one of my favorite authors, wrote about this condition, "Right knowledge is vital, but we want more than just knowledge. We want the Presence of the Almighty to fill the vacuum of our doctrines with substance, the very substance of Himself."
So, the adventure started. I started praying the dangerous prayers and asking the unsafe questions. I shifted from bless me to expose me. I admitted my ugliness and confessed my unwillingness. And I dared to admit that I was not a woman of faith. For if I was completely honest, I lived a life that required no faith at all. I cried. I hurt. Finally, finally the Lysa that so desperately wanted the world's acceptance, accolades, ease, answers, cover-ups, and half-hearted faith, died.
And for the first time ever I tasted life. God himself was there. And the more I saw Him, the more I was compelled to give Him everything. Francis F. also says, "The more we see God as He is, the more compelled we are to give Him our all."
My friends, giving my all has found me many days in the very fibers of my carpet crying puddles of tears while asking, "Are you sure God? I am scared. I am so not capable. If I were You, I'm not sure I would trust me with this assignment."
Passionately pursuing God in absolute obedience led me to pull away from some friendships. It led me to be questioned and condemned. It led me to a fast from TV for over 2 years. It led me to come to know about a war torn nation full of crying orphans. It led me to hearing "mom" said with an African accent. It led me to locking myself in the bathroom after screaming at my five kids telling God that I had just proven- I can't do this. It led me to deep places of questioning. It led me to be on the Oprah show. It led me to endure some of the harshest criticism I've ever known by people who don't understand. It led me Hollywood. It led me to have a chance to speak to the world. It led me to understand that even having a national platform is very empty in and of itself. It led me to a place of desperation for God.
Now after seven years of radical obedience I wish I could give myself an A on this lesson and move on. But I must be honest.
I find myself in the midst of God's sweet presence once again saying, "I have been obedient but only to a certain point. I have been good but I am not holy. I have faith but still struggle with the desire to be put in a position to really have to practice it."
And so the journey continues.
If any part of this resonates with you, will you post and let me know? I am supposed to be writing another book this year and I'd love for your participation in the writing of it. I have no idea what it will be called. I have begged God to tell me--- so, we'll see.
But one thing I do know is this--- a few years ago the world was asking is Jesus true. That's not the question any longer. I'm convinced the question the world now asks is, "Does Jesus work?" Oh God, that my life could answer this question with a resounding yes, is the very beat of my fragile heart and the song of my rag tag soul.
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