I am such a complete sucker for marketing ploys. At one point my husband banned me from infomercials… it always looks like the greatest stuff. And the people selling it sound so genuine. Even if it is the dumbest infomercial thing in the world I’ll get sucked in by their enthusiasm. I just have to support their little invention that is only available for a limited time and if you call in the next 30 minutes you get their dumb invention number two as a bonus. Then when you call that 1-800 number, there is this script reading girlfriend who needs to talk you into an upgrade so she’ll get a bonus… of course I have to help girlfriend out so I add dumb invention number three for only $9.99 more.
What started out as a $20 impulse buy turns into a plus handling, plus taxes, plus upgrade, plus shipping disaster that eventually winds up going to the Goodwill because it didn’t make me lose ten pounds in ten seconds or magically roll about my house cleaning every stain without me lifting a finger.
So, eventually I learned how to turn the channel the minute I start to hear the words, “You just have to have this latest and greatest…” I take the clicker and start repeating, just say no…just say no… just say NOOOOOOOOHHHH… just say no! (sung to the tune of Bob and Larry’s Where is My Hairbrush Song or something like that.)
While I have successfully conquered the evils of infomercials… I can still be snookered. So the other day I went to get my hair cut at a very thrifty little salon. Seriously, I don’t like spending a lot of money on beauty type stuff. But after I saved so much getting my hair cut, I allowed myself to meander in the products store. That when I spotted Magic Lips! Ohhhh, ohhh, ohhh the sign says it stays on for 18 hours. I asked the lady in the store if the sign was speaking truth… like she is going to say something contrary to what her boss just printed on the sales sign…hmmm.
But I just so desperately wanted to believe that there could be such a thing and to beat all it was on SALE…of course. But you can’t just buy magic lips… you have to buy the gloss to apply on top and you have have to buy this stuff called OOPS! Because if you apply magic lips while driving (that’s me always!) and you hit a bump that causes the color to run up into a nostril, well…. You can’t fix said mistake without this OOPS product. (note to self…this is sounding a whole lot like the plus upgrade, plus handling, plus a partridge in a pear tree situation that I’m supposed to be singing my Bob and Larry song to!)
With my heart beating fast and my face just waiting to become magical… I purchase LIPS and run to car. Visions of beauty are dancing about in my mind when I whip out magic lips and apply.
OH MY STARS!!!! Let me just say if I were to dip my lips in gasoline and strike a match… it would not even hold a candle (excuse the sorry pun) to the fire that just got lit on the only set of lips my face owns. Owie, Owie, Owie Owie! Then they got stuck together when I pursed them trying to ease the pain. Oh wait, quick, maybe the problem is that I need that gloss stuff.
Shoot, shoot, shoot, I accidently applied the OOPS stuff and all that pain was for nothing. I had to start all over. Finally, ten minutes, 2 long streams of tears, and three magic products later I had some fine looking lips!
I was so proud of my lip burning self that I had to share my pain… I mean beauty secret-with a friend. Enter Wendy Pope- the only sweet sister at the Proverbs 31 office kind enough (sucker enough) to try and see if it burned her lips as well.
It did.
I had a serious case of inappropriate laughter disorder as I watched her bounce about fanning her lips.
Later she e-mailed to say that only one stripe across her bottom lip remained for 18 hours. After realizing she had no OOPS product to fix her situation I had another case of inappropriate laughter disorder.
So, how is it working out for me? Well, I thought just fine. I mean I can deal with the skin pealing off my lips from being burned day after day for almost a week now. I love that the color really does stay. But this morning my husband (who never notices stuff like this at all!) asked me about my lipstick…hmmm.
Him- Is it new?
Me- Kinda
Him- It’s not good
Me- Define good
Him- Colorless gloss is better for your face
Me- What’s wrong with my face?
Him- Your lips
I guess it was a bad idea to apply 18 hour lips at 6pm last night. I think my magic lips scared him in the middle of the night. He wouldn’t admit to it but they did kinda scare me when I got up this morning.
So, I’m still smiling... but without perma lips today... he banned that mess from attending church with us.
But I still hear it calling my name… Lysa, Oh Lyyyysssssaaaa… beautiful lips, remember us…come on baby light your lips on fire.
Please make me feel better and post a response about the dumbest thing you’ve ever purchased.
Smiling---kinda.
Oh by the way... the winner to my contest is Cindy from Still His Girl blog. Congrats girl!...
What started out as a $20 impulse buy turns into a plus handling, plus taxes, plus upgrade, plus shipping disaster that eventually winds up going to the Goodwill because it didn’t make me lose ten pounds in ten seconds or magically roll about my house cleaning every stain without me lifting a finger.
So, eventually I learned how to turn the channel the minute I start to hear the words, “You just have to have this latest and greatest…” I take the clicker and start repeating, just say no…just say no… just say NOOOOOOOOHHHH… just say no! (sung to the tune of Bob and Larry’s Where is My Hairbrush Song or something like that.)
While I have successfully conquered the evils of infomercials… I can still be snookered. So the other day I went to get my hair cut at a very thrifty little salon. Seriously, I don’t like spending a lot of money on beauty type stuff. But after I saved so much getting my hair cut, I allowed myself to meander in the products store. That when I spotted Magic Lips! Ohhhh, ohhh, ohhh the sign says it stays on for 18 hours. I asked the lady in the store if the sign was speaking truth… like she is going to say something contrary to what her boss just printed on the sales sign…hmmm.
But I just so desperately wanted to believe that there could be such a thing and to beat all it was on SALE…of course. But you can’t just buy magic lips… you have to buy the gloss to apply on top and you have have to buy this stuff called OOPS! Because if you apply magic lips while driving (that’s me always!) and you hit a bump that causes the color to run up into a nostril, well…. You can’t fix said mistake without this OOPS product. (note to self…this is sounding a whole lot like the plus upgrade, plus handling, plus a partridge in a pear tree situation that I’m supposed to be singing my Bob and Larry song to!)
With my heart beating fast and my face just waiting to become magical… I purchase LIPS and run to car. Visions of beauty are dancing about in my mind when I whip out magic lips and apply.
OH MY STARS!!!! Let me just say if I were to dip my lips in gasoline and strike a match… it would not even hold a candle (excuse the sorry pun) to the fire that just got lit on the only set of lips my face owns. Owie, Owie, Owie Owie! Then they got stuck together when I pursed them trying to ease the pain. Oh wait, quick, maybe the problem is that I need that gloss stuff.
Shoot, shoot, shoot, I accidently applied the OOPS stuff and all that pain was for nothing. I had to start all over. Finally, ten minutes, 2 long streams of tears, and three magic products later I had some fine looking lips!
I was so proud of my lip burning self that I had to share my pain… I mean beauty secret-with a friend. Enter Wendy Pope- the only sweet sister at the Proverbs 31 office kind enough (sucker enough) to try and see if it burned her lips as well.
It did.
I had a serious case of inappropriate laughter disorder as I watched her bounce about fanning her lips.
Later she e-mailed to say that only one stripe across her bottom lip remained for 18 hours. After realizing she had no OOPS product to fix her situation I had another case of inappropriate laughter disorder.
So, how is it working out for me? Well, I thought just fine. I mean I can deal with the skin pealing off my lips from being burned day after day for almost a week now. I love that the color really does stay. But this morning my husband (who never notices stuff like this at all!) asked me about my lipstick…hmmm.
Him- Is it new?
Me- Kinda
Him- It’s not good
Me- Define good
Him- Colorless gloss is better for your face
Me- What’s wrong with my face?
Him- Your lips
I guess it was a bad idea to apply 18 hour lips at 6pm last night. I think my magic lips scared him in the middle of the night. He wouldn’t admit to it but they did kinda scare me when I got up this morning.
So, I’m still smiling... but without perma lips today... he banned that mess from attending church with us.
But I still hear it calling my name… Lysa, Oh Lyyyysssssaaaa… beautiful lips, remember us…come on baby light your lips on fire.
Please make me feel better and post a response about the dumbest thing you’ve ever purchased.
Smiling---kinda.
Oh by the way... the winner to my contest is Cindy from Still His Girl blog. Congrats girl!...
14 Comments:
I feel I must comment to Hot Lips.
I was definitely a reluctant volunteer. I have to say, Lysa could sell ice to an Eskimo. She easily persuaded this "sucker" to try the Magic Lips. I have to admit I loved the idea of not "eating off" my lipstick as spoke. So I tried it, it burned, and was convinced that "eating off" my lipstick isn't such a bad thing after all.
Wohoo! You just MADE MY DAY! I am so, so excited! Thank you so much, Lysa!!
I LOVED this post, too. Hilarious!! I wish you had a photo of your lips at around hour 16 to share with us! ;) I tried some of that plumper stuff once and felt like a zillion ants with sharp, pointy legs were performing RiverDance on my lips. Ugh.
I read Holly's comments, too. I got to talk to her one time when I was trying to book you. She was a hoot. You guys sound like a good team.
Can't wait to dig into my goodies. You've blessed me yet again!
newlandcindy@hotmail.com
Oh, and thanks for the incredibly sweet words about my craft stuff! Maybe I'll look into an etsy shop?! (Unless you'd be more likely to buy from me if it was available only for a limited time on an infomercial???)
Hi Lysa, Oh my goodness!!!!!!! Only YOU could tell a story like that and it be TRUE! I am sitting here in Florida, getting bumped from my flight tonight, and bunking with my new latina girlfriends who kindly came and rescued me from the airport! We were sitting here crying with laughter as Gabie read your blog out loud to all of us with the same inflection as I can imagine you wrote it....you will LOVE these girls! Talk to you tomorrow, love, Shari
Lysa,
This was so funny! I use some color stay lipstick as well (not the burning kind!) and when I have applied it at night and woken up with it the next morning, I have been reminded of the bride of Frankenstein!LOL - white face, scary hair, dark red lips! Yikes. I use the Cover Girl in the blue box. It comes with a tube of color and a tube of gloss to apply during the day (both for one low price). I highly recommend it. I'll be sure to stay away from Magic Lips. Also, I wanted to tell you that I have just recently read your two books When Women Say Yes.. and When Women Walk in Faith.. and I LOVED them. Thank you for blessing me in such a real way. Carol :)
Lysa,
Ha ha, this story was as funny reading as it was being there in person to watch you and Wendy fan your lips, bouncing up and down:) I knew there was a reason I wasn't chomping at the bit to be your victim...I mean volunteer.
Just kidding:) Big smiles and hugs to you today. Stay away from the Magic Lips...you know what the Bible warns about magic and such....DON'T FALL FOR IT! Hey, I highly recommend a tub of lip gloss that you can buy at the grocery store or CVS or really anywhere. It cost like a dollar. It's called Vaseline and it works great!!!!
Love ya sista,
Melissa
Hey Lysa - you don't even have room for 3 more lip products in your little make-up bag! I can imagine Art wrinkling up his forhead looking at your new lips. Ha!
OK, my sister-in-law laughed at me for days when I bought this... I was a brand new (clueless) Christian with a new-found love for Jesus. I was in a thrift shop where I spotted and excitedly bought a ancient greecian looking bust statue of Jesus. I figured I'd set it on my bookshelf and be able to gaze upon Christ's face everyday. Cool!
However, my thrill turned to embarrasment when I showed it to my sister-in-law and husband who promptly told me, "Rachel, that's not Jesus... that's Socrates!"
So now I have a statue of Socrates - which reminds me I need to go learn how to sell on Ebay. :)
Yahweh Sisters ~ Rachel
www.RachelOlsen.blogspot.com
Lysa - you crack me up. And, then everyone else chimed in and added to the laughter. That's a great way to start the day!
Lysa - I'm so glad I'm not the only one! Just this weekend I ordered an exercise DVD set (with weights!) after seeing a most convincing infommercial. I fell for all of the add-ons!
Oh you name it...I've ordered Cd's, cookbooks, make-up, cameras, watches, ugly sweaters...yikes! Were your lips sticky? Mine have stuck tog. before with stuff like that! p.s. I have laughter disorder as well!
Lysa- Very funny! Yes, we all want a quick fix, don't we? The all-you-can-eat diet, the little machine that gives us rock hard abs while we sit in our recliner and watch tv, or the CD that we play while we are asleep that turns us into a genius. But none of them really work. I guess it is just like the spiritual life-the long road of patient obedience and seeking God is always better than the spiritual quick fix! We've heard all the pitches and wanted them to be true: memorize these four principles and you'll be a spiritual giant, as well as rich and deliriously happy. Instead we ought to seek what Eugene Peterson has called "a long obedience in the same direction." And that is following in the footsteps of Jesus. Thanks for the laugh and the great insight!
Daer Mommy,
I hope you are my fafert Mommy.
Love,Brooke Terkeurst
I lauged out loud reading this! Too funny.
Hilarious! A few years ago I decided to get my hair cut. On impulse. Without an appointment at a salon. Which means I let the girl with pink and blue hair in the mall salon cut my hair, even though she appeared to be 12 or 13.
It was awful. Just awful. So, of course, a voice in my head says, "You know what would make this bad haircut better? Spruce it up with some highlights." So I bought a box of do-it-youself highlights. And after I put my children to bed on that Saturday night, I locked myself in the bathroom to highlight my hair.
As I looked in the mirror, I realized that my hair was sort of maroon. Maroon is not the color I was going for. So I dried it and styled it. Still maroon.
Once again, that intelligent voice inside my head spoke up. "Know what would make this bad highlight job look better? Use that box of hair color that's been in the linen closet for 3 years. That will make it all better."
So I did. And my hair was high-voltage orange. It looked like someone had dumped Virginia Tech maroon and orange paint over my head, with the orange paint winning. And it was a Saturday night. Late. And there aren't any all-night, 24-hour hair salons around here. :)
Definitely my dumbest attempt at beauty.
Lysa, You're right. Laughter is good medicine. I needed that!
The only thing is I could picture you wearing the lipstick so now when I think of you or look at you, I'll see HOT LIPS stamped on your forhead...I mean across your lips!! Remember, the name stuck with Margret on M.A.S.H...Hummm...
Have a great day, Hot Lips
Micca
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